Suicidal Thoughts

001

Chapter One

Ava's Point of View

I stood to my feet and let the water drip from my body along with a little bit of blood. I dried off my body and applied some of Jergens moisturizing lotion. Then I put Band-Aids over my cuts.

I smiled at myself in the mirror and looked at what I saw. What I saw was a lost girl in the world with no one other than herself to comfort her when she needed it. Her parents are there but they aren't really there.

I do everything right.....literally, everything and my life is still a living hell. I can't win...ever.

I slid up my underwear and put on a black bra. I put on my black dress that hugged my body tight and my black closed toe sandals. I grabbed my gold and black cross body purse and exited my bathroom. The dress was long sleeved and I was thankful for that.

I smiled to myself in the mirror and put on some black pearls and some Bath and 'Body Works' perfume. I smirked to myself and grabbed my phone from the nightstand beside my bed.

I stepped out of my room and walked down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Once I reached the kitchen I grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table and bit into it. Thinking about suicide....a thought that's been on my mind for a while now. If you think about it nobody would actually miss me. Not even my own parents. They work and I live in my room.

The only person who ever loved me....left me. Died in a car crash about four months ago. I never even had a chance to say goodbye.

Suicide would be best for me. Regardless of what people think. Physical death is way better than emotional. No doubt about it.

I walked out of the kitchen and towards the front door of my house. I felt a teardrop on my face and sighed realizing I was crying.

Every time I think about him I tear up, and most of the time I can't help but let my tears fall. I wiped my face and stood there for a while. Sucking it up and walked out of my house, my keys in hand. I closed the door behind me and locked it.

I held my purse closer to me and stepped down the steps. Once I got out of the driveway I turned left walking to the bus stop.

Once I finally made it there I made a right and started walking to school. I don't take the bus anymore, not since the sixth grade. Once I got to high school I always rode with him. Before he was innocently killed over something his parents got themselves involved in.

We did everything together. He was my life, my reason to keep going, the reason I woke up, and the reason I thrived to be successful.

Now he's gone and I don't have a reason to wake up in the morning or a reason to keep going. I don't have the motivation to want to be successful or do better.

I don't even have a reason to want to breathe, but one thing I do know is that I want to be with him. Not for just now, or tomorrow, or a week.....but I want to be with him forever.

And now I don't have a choice in that because he's gone, and I have no one to lean on. To tell my secrets to....or to love.

I walked to school in complete silence. Listening to the birds chirping in the trees. I watched the ducks swim in ponds and listened to the dogs' bark at each other.

This is what I was missing? We should have walked to school. We did a couple of times but it only lasted a few days before we were back to riding in his car.

I looked at the buildings that surrounded me and smiled at the old lady in the rocking chair on her porch.

She smiled at me and waved. I waved my hand back and went on about my walking. I loved walking to school. It's been depressing thinking about Wakeem since he's been gone.

But these walks made it a little bit better. My parents don't know what I do but I'd like to keep it that way. I watched as a puppy ran out into the road. I gasped lightly as I saw a car zooming down the streets of Compton.

Despite me being in flats I ran over to the puppy and scooped him up out of the street, running to the other side just as the car whipped past me.

I breathed heavy as I looked down at the puppy in my arms. He was shivering and felt kind of cold. I smiled at the little puppy and put him back on the sidewalk.

He looked back up at me and I smiled. I bent down and rubbed his head. He rubbed his head against my knee in response.

I stood back up and put some hand sanitizer on my hands. I turned and walked away from the puppy, leaving him behind me.

I'll smile but I'm not getting attached to it. I don't want to have him leave me too. I don't think I would be able to bare it. Not the loss of another loved one. I'd probably kill myself for real.