Suicidal Thoughts

012

Chapter Twelve

Ava Point of View

I walked around outside and kicked at the gravel on the ground as tears dripped down my face.

"I can't believe he faked his death Kirk. He cheated on me. With my best friend. Lied to my face, and did all of this over my vagina!"

He looked at me and shook his head with a blank expression.

"I gotta say this and I don't want you to chew my head over about this," he started.

"What," I asked as I wiped my face.

We were sitting on the stairs on the back side of the warehouse. It was a pond and ducks were floating.

"Are you sure you and August aren't a thing," he asked.

"No why do you say that," I asked as I wiped my face again.

"You called him Auggy for starters, and he talks about you all the time. When we ask him if he wants to go out and have fun, his excuse is always that he gotta get back to Ava. Make sure 'lil shawty straight," he explained.

"We dudes always ask each other what we want in a women when we finally do settle down in the future, and for the past month and a half, all August can say is a girl like Ava."

"Aw," I cooed. I didn't even know that's how he felt when the past three weeks he's been ignoring me because of my cutting situation.

"We also tell each other everything so I know about you guys not talking for three weeks because you cut."

"Damnit," I said in my head.

"Why do you do it," he asked putting his hand on top of mine.

"Because like Wakeem said, it hurts so badly to admit it but I don't know how to deal with my problems the way everybody else does. August never saw it but I was cutting for a while now. When Wakeem was pronounced dead I cut for a few days and I tried to stop, but I couldn't so I've been cutting for a few months now. Even after August met me I was still cutting. I would never let him see me do it because I knew he would stop me. So I waited for him to leave and I filled the bathtub up and cut. Watched the blood drip from my arm and I smile at it every time. Like Wakeem said I would rather have physical pain than emotional because I've been hurt so much in the past."

I felt a few tears roll down my cheek and Kirk wiped them.

"It's okay little sis. When August isn't around you always got a friend in me," he said rubbing my back.

I nodded my head and sighed.

"You're a good person Kirk, and remember when you said August wants a girl like me?"

He nodded his head yes.

"I want a guy like him too. He's my Auggy and I don't know what I would do without him. He's been my life support since I met him. Even when I did the want to be friends with him....we ended up friends anyway. I don't know what the future holds but I see myself with him in the future. Not relationship wise but friendship wise. He's like my best friend....my only friend and he's all I have....literally."

"What about siblings," he asked.

"None. My father kicked me out about a month or so ago and I've been with August since then. We just got an apartment but I don't want to call it ours. It's really mine but he's always there."

"True."

"So enough about me because I'm really supposed to be talking to August about this. What about you? Any family?"

"Yeah I have a brother," he said kicking the rocks.

"His names Joshua. He's an incontrollable sixteen year old who is always following me wherever I go. Except for when I'm doing this," he pointed around us.

"Aw I want a brother," I pouted.

"But these guys like my brothers too. We been a close circle since first grade. We been inseparable since the first grade. We do everything together. Fight everybody together. Basically you mess with one you mess with all," he said.

"Right," I mumbled.

I got up and picked up a rock.

"Well I'm going to go see what's keeping them okay Ava?"

"Okay," I said lowly.

I tossed the rock watching it splash into the water. I can't ever make a rock skip.

I picked up another Stone and tossed it watching it plunge to the bottom of the pond.

I turned around and nobody was there. I picked up another Stone and watched the drop to the bottom.

"It's all in da wrist ma," a voice said from behind me. I turned around to see August with a stone in his hand.

He tossed it across the water and I watched it skip. It skipped about ten times before it splashed to the bottom.

I looked up at him and rocked on my heels. I didn't know all of the things I know now about how he feels about me, and now that I do know...it's kind of weird.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head against his chest. I smiled and took in the smell of his Axe cologne.

He rested his chin on my head and we stood like that for a while. Taking in the sound of the water splashing and the smell of wild life in the air.

"Come on ma...let's go home," he said grabbing my hand.

"It's our home," I asked as he led me to the car.

"Yeah.....ours," he said as he openedthe door for me.