unchained

nine

Dan
5:08pm

"I can't believe it," I gasped, struggling to my feet to greet her.
"I know, I wanted to surprise you," she grinned, dumping her bag onto the floor. I gave her a peck on the cheek, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Phil wince slightly as he pursed his lips.
"Hi!" She addressed Phil, who smiled back at her. "Who's this?" She said.
"This is Phil, you know, who I told you about..."
"Oh, right, yeah I remember."
"I think I should probably go," Phil interjected, "I'll catch you later."

Guilt plunged through my chest and began to spread to every inch of my body.
"Oh, okay. Bye, Phil," I said awkwardly.
"Bye," Amelia added politely.
The door slammed shut behind him and the room was unnaturally quiet.
"So tell me, how was your flight?"
"What was all that about?" Started Amelia bluntly. "That's Phil? What was he doing here? I thought you said you never wanted to see him again." She shrilled.
I stopped dead in my tracks. I wasn't expecting her to remember, but she had.
"That was a long time ago..." I stammered.
"Don't lie to me, Dan. Where did you meet?"
My head was down and my eyes remained fixed upon the hardwood floor. "Yesterday, in the cafe."
"Right," she huffed, crossing her arms defensively as a tear emerged in the corner of her eye.

"And I suppose you're over him, like he's now apparently over you." She snapped
sarcastically, "Do you have any idea how this makes me feel, Dan? Exes are off limits, I thought we agreed that!"
"We were never together, you know that!"
"He said he loved you." She seethed through gritted teeth, each of her words pain-riddled and excruciatingly slow.
The surge of guilt grew stronger.
"It's not like that anymore, I promise." I implored, holding my hands out.
"The point is, he loved you, and you loved him back."
"To this day he doesn't even know I loved him back! Do you not trust me?" I said, almost on my knees and begging for mercy.
At this, her tense posture loosened, and she sighed heavily.
"Of course I do," she murmured over the choke in her throat.
"It's nothing, Ames, I swear. Please believe me."
The guilt was burning inside me now, but as I stood across the room from my fiancé, I couldn't stop thinking about Phil. Amelia knew I had loved him once, but Phil didn't know that, and the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about him terrified me. What if I was falling in love with him again?
"Please, do this one thing for me," she pleaded. "Anything," I replied.
"You can't see Phil again."
I nodded, but it hurt so god-damn much when the words came out of her mouth.

Why?
Why did I care?

It was driving me insane. The thought of letting Phil go again forever made me feel like everything else was pointless. Without Phil, my life had no meaning. I had already lost him once, I wasn't prepared to lose him again, but Amelia was still awaiting my answer, and she was growing impatient. I wasn't even aware I had been in a trance until the ringing in my ears stopped dead and the pain in my chest died down.
"Dan? Are you listening to me?"
I snapped out of the haze I was in, all I knew was that I didn't want to let Phil go, but I had to do this for the woman I loved.
"Yes, yes you're right." I stepped forwards to hug her, but she stepped back slowly in shock. Her piercing gaze was penetrating my thoughts and my chest. Then, she raised her hand over her mouth.
"Oh my God..." she gasped breathlessly as though on the verge of tears, "You're still in love with him, aren't you?"
I swallowed hard. Shit. What if she was right?
Enough was enough. I wasn't ruining my marriage over some high school crush that was sparking old, childish feelings inside of me. I was not going to let Phil get in the way of what Amelia and I had.

I had to do this one thing for her, it was simple. I couldn't see Phil anymore, again. It would make things too hard for me.
"No." I shook my head firmly, "Absolutely not. I love you and you only."
Those were the words I spoke, but my heart had other intentions and couldn't quite get on board with what I was saying.
"I'll message him in the morning," I said, pulling her in closer to hug her tightly.
"Okay, thankyou."
"I've been thinking," I whispered into her as she grasped onto me, "I don't think I'm ready to move back here permanently, it's all a bit fast for me."
"Oh," she said, slightly shocked, before she sank back into my chest, "I understand. I wasn't going to take the cafe job anyway."

***
a/n
sorry...