unchained

sixteen

Dan
10:54am

I had been unable to move from my spot on the bed in the hotel room for over half an hour since Amelia left. I didn't know what to do with myself. This morning, I was engaged and I had a long-lost, close friend by my side. Now, I had no Phil and no Amelia.

I had thought about going back to America, but it was just too much for me to handle right now. The thought of facing my friends and family and having to tell them what had happened, and that the wedding was cancelled made me sick to my core. Seeing all of the places back in my town where Amelia and I had visited, gone on dates together, walked by together - I couldn't bear it.

I needed time, at least a few days to reset myself before I could even consider driving down to the airport. I'd just have to stay in the hotel for another few days on my own, maybe even a week. I could even surprise my grandparents. Either way, I was not going back to America.

I wasn't going to visit Phil, either. I was angry at him. To me, it was as though he was partly to blame for this mess.
Thoughts of where I went wrong invaded my head. Maybe Amelia would have been happier with me had I not told her about Phil in the first place. Maybe he was constantly in the back of her mind like he was in mine and that's why she couldn't commit.

It was all Phil - he shouldn't have told me he loved me before I left, because it had stuck with me ever since, and maybe Amelia never got over it either. I was frustrated that I had even gone with him that day in the cafe. Why did he have to take me out, flirt with me, make me feel like we used to feel. It wasn't like that anymore - we had our own lives now. He couldn't just pick me up and take me away anymore, making me question if I was in a relationship with the right person when I already knew I was. I loathed the unfarmiliarity of the situation. I was so out of my comfort zone. I was stranded in England with no fiancé and no one to turn to. I blamed Phil.

The thought of going back to work made me sick, too. I worked for Amelia's dad at his company. He always secretly hated me anyway.

Aching, I heaved myself up from the bed and stumbled over to the door to lock it. On the side cabinet, lay Amelia's bracelet that I had bought her for our anniversary three years ago. My stomach lurched at the sight of it, so I picked it up one last time, resting it in my shaking palm for a moment as the beads glistened under the hotel room light. Then, I launched it into the corner of the room, expecting to hear a shattering or the scattering of beads and pearls as they were strewn across the floor, but I heard nothing, which made me even angrier.

I wondered if she was still wearing her engagement ring. By now she probably would have taken it off or tossed it into the trash. I wondered if she would stay in a relationship with that arsehole she was cheating on me with, or would she have broken up with him by now? Maybe it was just a friends with benefits thing. I was about to kick the door at the image before I realised I was in a hotel room.

Maybe she would just get on with her life as if I had never even been a part of it, just like Phil. Just as I thought of her growing old, getting married to someone else, having children and being successful without me, my vision was morphing into imagery of Phil - my mind was simply replacing his name with Amelia's, as though he was once mine and I could even have a shot with him. Did I really want that, or was it just the aftermath of my broken marriage?

I was exhausted, clearly. I lay down on my bed, too drained to pull the covers over me.
I wasn't going anywhere.

***
a/n
wow amelia is such a liar