You are in Love

That's Not Fair to You

Cristina finished her business trip to L.A., and came back to Seattle. She did everything possible to avoid Owen because she knew that was the only way to remain faithful to Cole. It had been weeks since she had spoken to him, and it killed her inside. She had been miserable being so close to him but so far away, and people had noticed.

After finishing a surgery, she met Alex and Meredith in the cafeteria for lunch. The two were casually talking about something as she approached the table, but stopped when they saw her approach. "Yang!" Alex exclaimed, and pulled the chair next to him out for her to sit down.

"It's been forever since the three of us ate here together," Meredith smiled.

"It has," Cristina agreed as she took a seat, "I've missed the company, but I can't say I've missed the food here," she joked.

"I have to second that," Alex added, "the food at the hospital in Switzerland was much better."

"I'm still jealous I never got to work on anything with you there," Meredith admitted.

"You didn't miss much, running it was nice because I got to make all the calls about research and procedures, but it was so much paperwork and administrative stuff."

"I know, but you really killed it over there. I mean, three Harper Averys! Who does that?"

"You've got one and three kids, Mere," Alex added, "meanwhile I've got none."

"Awe, evil spawn," Cristina fake pouted. "You can have one of mine, we can get in reingraved."

"Ha. Ha." Alex took a bite of his food, and then said with a full mouth, "I'm going to get one one of these days."

"You're disgusting," Meredith said as she handed him a napkin. Just then, Owen walked by and sat down at a table alone an earshot away. "Owen!" Meredith called out, "come sit with us."

Owen looked at Cristina for a moment, and she turned away as to not look into his eyes. "I'm okay," he called back, "I've got a of work to do, no time to chat." He smiled gently and began eating.

"What was that?" Meredith ask Cristina.

"What?"

"That look he gave you, and your quick turn away." Alex subtly looked at Cristina and then began eating again, but Meredith noticed. "What do I not know?"

"This isn't the place, Mere," Cristina said.

"For what?"

"Seriously, drop it Meredith."

"When did you all start keeping things from me?" Meredith asked a little hurt.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but not here. Okay?"

"Are you and Owen a thing?" Meredith ask her point blank.

"She said not here, Meredith," Alex said firmly.

"We're not a thing, I'm married. Things are just weird." Cristina finished her food, and stood up, "I'm gonna go."

Alex gave Meredith a look, and she looked at Cristina, "I'm sorry," she said genuinely. "I'll stop pushing. I know how much he means to you, I can't imagine how awkward things are now." Owen could hear tensions rising, and decided to take his food to his office before he heard anything he didn't want to. Living so close to Cristina without her in his life was hard enough, he didn't need to hear all the reasons why it had to be that way again.

Cristina sat back down and looked at Meredith, "he didn't listen to the voicemail I left him."

"Wait- the voicemail?" Meredith asked shocked.

Cristina nodded, "but he did last month in L.A., so things have been weird between the two of us."

"I know he broke up with Amy for you, " Meredith added, "and she had found an engagement ring in his office the day before. You really flipped his world upside down by coming back."

"The man really can't function without you, Cristina," Alex said as his pager went off, "I have to go."

"He told her that?" Cristina ask as she nodded to acknowledge Alex's departure.

"Pretty much. She said he told her it wasn't fair to her because he couldn't give her everything with you around. No one was surprised, everyone assumed you two would be back together by now. The nurses have a bet going."

"If it was only that simple," Cristina said defeated.

"So you still have feelings for him?"

"Of course I do, but I'm married. Plus, we did that for so many years and it was always the same fight. Things with Cole are fine, I mean- I'm happy. It's what I wanted, I just get around him and it's like none of that matters." Cristina rubbed her face and sighed, "am I awful?"

"You're not awful, but if you don't love Cole like that... maybe he deserves to find someone who does."

"In my heart I know that," Cristina paused, "I'm just afraid he loves me that way, and then I've hurt him just because I'm selfish."

"It's not selfish to do what makes you happiest, Cristina." Meredith looked across the cafeteria at Derek, who was sitting with Callie and one of their patients, "If Derek had stayed with Addison to make her happy we wouldn't be together or have our kids, and Addison wouldn't be happily married with a kid either."

Cristina hadn't thought about how similar her situation was to Derek's so many years ago before. She tried to see him still with Addison in her head, but no matter how she envisioned it, they both looked miserable. "I guess you're right."

"I think you need to talk to Owen, and to Cole, and to yourself, and decide what is going to make the most people the happiest. That's really all you can do. And, I know I spend a lot of time with Amy and Maggie, but you're still my person, Cristina. I'm here for you, you don't have to keep this to yourself."

"Thank you, Mere," Cristina smiled, "but I think there's someone else I need to talk to."

With that, Cristina was gone.