You are in Love

friendly advice

Cristina walked through the hospital, thinking long and hard about what Meredith had said to her, and the similarities between her situation and Derek's. She was sitting at the nurses station when her pager went off. She stood up quickly and made her way to the ambulance bay. When she arrived she was met by Owen and Derek. "Do we know what do we have?" She asked as Bailey showed up behind her.

"We're not sure yet," Derek explained as he stepped to help her tie her gown, "though I'm hoping it'll lead to me getting to work with you again."

Cristina smiled at him, "it has been a long time," she chuckled. She glanced at Owen and offered a smile, which he tried to return but she was met instead with an intense look of longing.

The ambulance pulled up just as the silence began to be awkward, and a paramedic yelled, "female, late fifties, suffered from a heart attack that led to a fall and a laceration to the head." 

Derek and Cristina nodded and rushed to the gurney. 

"We should take her up to the OR and get her on bypass as soon as possible," Cristina said.

"I think we should rush a CT and make sure there's no bleeding in her brain, if there is we can both operate at once."

"Alright, make it quick Shepherd. I'll have them prep OR 3 for the worst."

Cristina got to the scubas room and watched them set the OR up as she scrubbed and waited for Derek. She heard the door open and without looking asked, "how's her brain?"

She was met with the sound of Owen's voice instead of Derek's, "you would have to ask Derek."  He stood at the sink furthest from her and turned the water on.

"Oh," she paused, "it's you." She nervously bit her lip and searched for the words to say as she dried her hands, "how- uhm how are you?"

"Let's not make small talk, Cristina. If we can't have a relationship-" he sighed, "I want so much more than to make small talk with you, and doing it is almost worse than not talking at all. 

"Alright," she threw the paper towel away and opened her mouth to tell him goodbye but decided not to. 

Derek entered the scrub room a few minutes later, and after scrubbing in met her in the OR. The patient had a brain bleed from her fall as Derek had suspected and they were in for a long surgery together. The first half hour was kind of quiet, and there was no one in the gallery.

"It's good to have you. back, Yang" Derek's cheekbones moved and she could tell he was smiling. "Are you glad to be back?"

"For the most part," she nodded, "it's been an adjustment."

The OR was quiet again for a minute until Cristina blurted out, "we're friends, right?"

Derek chuckled, "of course we're friends, Cristina."

"I mean like really friends, not just because Meredith is my person or whatever?"

"Yes, we are really friends," he chuckled again, "where is this coming from?"

"I have to ask you something kind of personal." Derek looked at her intrigued, "How did you know that it was Mere- After all that history with Addison, how did you leave it and her all behind?"

"Is this about Owen?"

"No, it's about you and Addison."

"Alright," Derek nodded and shook his head, "I don't know. I knew at one point that I loved Addison in a way that consumed my whole world, but I also knew that I started loving Addison when I was barely an adult. When I met Meredith I think I was a different person, and I knew as m much as I cared for Addison and wanted her to be happy that I was happy with someone else."

"Did it feel the same-" Cristina stopped, "I mean the way you loved Addison, do you love Meredith the same way?"

"I think the love I feel for Meredith is different than with Addison, not for any reason just because it was a different time in my life and the way I loved her when I met her felt more real."

Cristina nodded, and tried to take in what he had said.

"You don't. have to talk about it, but I hope that helped."

She nodded,  "I think it did." 

"Can I ask you  something?" Derek ask as he reached for a tool on the table.

Cristina nodded.

"Is Owen your Addison or your Meredith?"

"I- I don't know."   

They finished the surgery, and the OR almost never got quiet again. Cristina's life had been so hectic since she returned, she'd barely had time to reconnect with Derek. They talked, and laughed, and successfully saved a woman's life that afternoon. "It was nice to spend that time with you, Cristina," Derek offered.

"It was," she smiled, "and uh, thanks for the advice."

"Anytime, friend." Derek smiled as he left the scrub room.