flames {part 1} | gilbert blythe

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set fire to the rain — adele

i let it fall, my heart, and as it fell, you rose to claim it. it was dark, and i was over, until you kissed my lips, and you saved me.

i realized i was in love with gilbert a year ago. i was at his house, working on a school project with him, when we paused for a break.

he strode across the kitchen and poured some tea. i watched how his curly hair fell perfectly over his forehead, how his hazel eyes lit up when he smiled at me. i listened to the depth in his voice, and i just knew.

this is the boy i want to marry.

we started dating a month after that. he was my first. my first kiss, my first hand hold, my first date, my first love.

when i stared into his eyes, i saw everything i could ever want. i saw my whole future.

but there's a side to you that i never knew, never knew. all the things you'd say, they were never true, never true.

little did i know, gilbert's father was on the brink of death. gilbert knew how much i loved his father, so he never told me what was happening with him.

gilbert never told me that his father only had a couple days left. he just let me worry in silence.

don't get me wrong, i'd go ever single day to visit, but i never understood how bad it was.

until the funeral.

but i set fire to the rain, watched it pour as i touched your face. well it burns, and i cried, cause i heard it screaming out your name.

the day gilbert told me he was leaving avonlea was the day my heart broke.

it was raining out, and i remember him standing in the doorway of my house, telling me he had to go.

"i'm sorry," he said. "i have no family here. my father would've wanted me to travel, to see the world. i hope you understand."

"i understand. please come back, gilbert. i love you," i replied in barely a whisper. he smiled sadly, but nodded nevertheless. he moved closer to me and kissed me one last time. it was bittersweet, salty because of my tears. when he pulled away, another wave came.

"goodbye. i will always love you," he said as he stepped away from me. my hand slowly fell from his cheek. i wanted to sob, tell him he can't go, that i need him. but i watched him walk down our porch stairs and down the muddy road.

i watched the boy of my dreams disappear into the trees, never to be seen.

sometimes i wake up by the door, that heart you caught must be waiting for you.

once in a while, someone would knock on our front door, and i'd rush to answer it, praying it was him. praying that he'd finally come home.

it was never him. it was always anne, or diana, or someone else for my parents.

i found myself falling asleep next to the door, hoping that when i'd wake up, he'd be there, and i'd jump into his arms.

but he never was.

gilbert blythe, my first love, the one i wanted to marry, was never there.

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sorry i've been sad lately so

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