Song of Shadows

Chapter Twenty-Four

Azriel 

From her shadow, I watch as Elain looks around the wrecked foyer before the door closes behind her. Lucien walks up beside her and beckons towards another set of large doors. There are only basic wards here, so my shadows begin to scout the area, searching for any threat.

We enter what used to be a grand dining room, but the once large table lays in a pile of splintered rubble. What happened here? Was this what Feyre escaped from? I almost hear the questions in Elain's mind as Lucien leads us to a smaller table and pulls out a chair for her. He takes the seat across from her and stares at his folded hands. The emptiness in his eyes sends a chill down my spine.

"Why did you come here, Elain?" Lucien asks, his voice devoid of any emotion.

Elain swallows. "I came to speak to you."

"Did you come here alone?" he says, glancing around the room.

"My family knows where I am, yes," Elain answers firmly.

A spark of rage ignites in Lucien's russet eye. I tense, preparing to leap from Elain's shadow if he moves against her. He looks his mate up and down, taking in the color in her cheeks, the light in her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I owe you an apology," she admits. I push down the urge to caress her cheek at the guilt in her voice. "I didn't handle this situation correctly, and I... I am truly sorry for the pain I caused you."

Lucien's fists clench and unclench. He refuses to meet Elain's eye. After a long silence, he lifts his head. "Do you know what it is to have everything taken from you? Your home, your friends, your mate?"

"Yes, I do. The king of Hybern ripped everything away from me when he threw me into that Cauldron," Elain whispers. "I had to watch everything I had stripped away from me. I couldn't return to my family estate or the friends I had in the mortal lands. My betrothed rejected me in front of my entire family."

She takes a deep breath. "I watched him murder my father. He took one other thing away from me: my innocence. He turned me into a killer when I stabbed that blade through his neck. I still dream about his blood covering my hands at night. I hear my sisters and my father's last words." The words shudder through her.

I never knew. How could any of us never see it? Elain... I'm so, so sorry. I bury the guilt deep inside of me to be examined later. Lucien's mouth is slightly open as he stares at her. He reaches across the table to stroke her hand, but she withdraws.

Hurt flashes in his eyes as he pulls his arm back. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Tears leak down her cheeks. "So, yes, I know what it is to have everything taken from me by the actions of one person. It is enough to make anyone go mad with rage." Elain wipes her eyes. "You can't let it win though. I almost lost myself to the grief of losing my human life. I almost went mad when my visions started to blur with reality."

"I remember," Lucien says.

"No one knew what to do. I don't blame them, but it... it almost destroyed me. I prayed every day for the madness to consume me so I didn't have to deal with the pain or grief anymore." Elain draws a shuddering breath. "Every. Day. I wanted to die or just stop caring, but something made me hang on."

My own eyes begin to sting. How could I not have seen any of this? How could none of us have seen this?

Lucien opens his mouth to speak, but Elain holds up her hand. "There was one... one person who saw me beneath the... under everything. He saw me buried and drowning in the madness and grief. He saw... me." A small smile forms on her face. "He was the one who helped lead me out of the darkness. He was the reason I knew I couldn't give up or let myself be consumed by those feelings." Her words spread warmth through my entire body.