Scars We Bury || On Hold

18//Missing A Person...

Chapter 18

"When you lose a person, you will always miss that person you lost. All you can do is just change the way of it. Miss that person without feeling guilty about what happened and what didn't happen. Miss that person and think of the happy memories you two had together other than the memory of that person's death." ~H.W

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"Why are you so silent, Scar?"

"Because I don't know what to say Luke." She blurts out and I look at her with confusion not knowing what she means.

"I don't understand anything Scarlett." I say and she sighs. She blows out a breath.

"I am not going to spend New Year's Eve here in Los Angeles. I am gonna spend it in Australia cause it's my Mom's 12th anniversary of being dead. So I just have to travel there, sit on her grave, mourn her death and cry my eyes out." She says and I get completely shocked. I feel sorry for asking her to that damn party in the first place. She must be going through a lot right now and I messed it up more by asking her to that party. Even if she won't travel to Australia, she wouldn't have attended that party either. I slap my forehead in an annoyment trying to hide my embarrassment and show how dump it was from me to ask her that question.

"It's okay, Luke. It really is." She says trying to assure me that what I said didn't sadden her in any way. I bring my hand to hers. I hold her hands in mine.

"Look Scar, as much as I am embarassed to say this but I wish that you could just stay here and attend that party. I don't wanna sound selfish by that. I know how hurt you are but one day, you are gonna have to move on. You will always miss her just change the way of it. Miss her without feeling guilty. Miss her and think of the happy memories you two had together other than the memory of her death. As much as I hate to say this but all the guilt you make yourself feel won't bring her. All the regret and all the pain you carry with you isn't gonna solve anything, it will just mess up your life more. Why not try and change that? Why not let her death anniversary show you how much you have been strong and how much you have survived without her and that despite her death, you grew up as the girl she always imagined you to be? You are a strong girl, Scar. You are so strong but you are just too blinded by guilt to see it. You have survived Scar. You are alive and breathing. All you just have to do now is just make your mother proud. You and I both know that no mother in the whole world would want to see her child suffering and living in agony without her. I know that if your mother had the power to stop that guilt and regret you are feeling, she would've stopped it. And I know also that she is pained to see you like this. All I am really asking from you Scar is to stop making yourself feel this guilt. You are not a bad person, Scar. Don't punish yourself for something that was meant to happened. It was your mother's fate and you have to believe in that to live a peaceful life like your mother would've wanted you." I say then I take a long deep breath. I am so afriad to see her expression. I don't want to look at her eyes now cause I know that if I do, I am gonna regret every single word I have just said. I need to hold myself together. What I said was true whether she likes it or not. It's the truth. I blow out a deep breath before I gather the courage and bring my eyes to hers. She is just staring blankly at the beach in front of her. She is expressionless. I notice a single tear rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't even wipe it, she is just staring blankly and that's what worries me more. I know the feeling of pretending to be emotionless. The feeling of trying to hold yourself together so you won't just let it all out. She is resisting. She is trying to hold back her tears. Her precious tears that just make my heart shatter into a million fucking piece. I start rubbing my thumb over her hand in an attempt to solace her. She brings her face to me, she looks at me with water forming in her eyes. In less than a second, I find myself pulling Scar into my embrace. She buries her face in my chest and I wrap my arms around her never letting her go for even a second. I rest one hand on her long silk hair and I start stroking it gently.