Scars We Bury || On Hold

26// Suffocation

Chapter 26

Suffocation:
That's when you feel that there is no air left in your lungs. The air has just vanished and you are left with no air, just a pair of lungs which aren't even working. That's what I really feel. I can't take my breath. It's so hard.

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2 days later.....
Monday May 19, 2016

Dear Diary,
I woke up today feeling the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. It's like the cycle never ends. There is even no near end for it. The pain always gets renewed whenever it starts to fade away. I have been living in denial those last days. I can't just bring myself to forget what has happened. Whenever I close my eyes, I see it all over again. I am trying my best to ignore what has happened but I can't. I just can't. It's like a nightmare and I can't wake up from it. What just happened can't be forgotten, I just can't find any reason for him to say those words or even act the way he acted. He looked at me me like I was just a bitch. He made me feel priceless. He made me feel worthless. How can I just forget that so easily? It's impossible. Maybe Emily was true about him. Maybe I should've listened to her but how could I have known that he would turn out to be like this! I still can't believe. There is something behind that but I don't want to know it because it's over and I shouldn't even be thinking about him. It's over. The dream is over and I have woken up. I will continue living my life like I have never even met him. I will go back to my old life and I am gonna survive this.

I closed my diary and I put it under my pillow. I get up from my bed and made my way to the bathroom. I took a good shower and I cleaned myself up. I can't appear sad today. I have to show the whole school that I am not just a broken girl and that's why I wore tight skinny jeans along with a sleeveless white blouse. I put some make-up on and I loosen my hair over my shoulders. I take my bag and I storm out of the house. I take a cab to school.

I arrive at school and the first thing my eyes catch is him. Luke. He is standing with some of his friends beside the entrance of the school. I take a glance at him and he is still the same. Nothing has really changed about him. All that has changed is the way I look at him now and how I feel whenever I stare in his deep blue eyes. Those eyes that would make my heart melt now makes me sad. His eyes make contact with mine and I take a few moments to decide what to do. I sigh and I look away. I continue walking to my friends like nothing has happened.

"Hey, guys!" I say approaching them. Emily and Jessica stare at me with wide smiles on their faces.

"You look so good. " They both say and I shrug my shoulders proudly "I always look good."

"I am sure Luke couldn't keep his hands off you." Jessica says in a quite voice giving me a wink.

"He will keep it." I say with a straight face crossing my arms "Because we are over." I say expressionless. Jess looks at me with shock and she starts shaking her head while Emily just slaps her forehead and looks at the ground.

"But how?" Jess stammer.

"There is no how. We are just over." I say, repeating this in my mind. I am trying to convince myself that we are really over. I have to or I will die from the pain. There is just no way out of it.

"Scar! What's the reason?" Emily asks and I sigh "Can we just not talk about this now? I am sick of talking." I say with anger then I leave them standing and I make my way to my class. I am trying to focus. I am really doing my best, listening to this teacher but I can't. My mind is occupied with everything that has been going on in my life. Things aren't becoming easy. They are becoming so hard and I can't cope with that. I am trying to put on that strong act girl but it seems impossible. It's hard. The reality is hard. The pain is hard. The heartbreak, that's harder. Does the heart break like really break? No, that's just a metaphor. In fact, The heart never breaks so saying that Luke has broke my heart is not even true. Luke just decreased my heart beating rate. Our heart beating rate decreases when we are asleep, sad or grieving. That's me trying to focus in my biology class.