I wish I was pretty, truly I do! People always say I'm pretty, or that I'm an amazing person, but why don't I feel it. It sucks to look in the mirror and want to change so many things. I cry when I try on bras or clothes because they don't fit me properly. My waist isn't a size 2 and it sucks. I hate my stomach more than I hate the bump in my nose. And it's not just looks. It's my personality. I have a loud laugh that people make fun of and it sucks to laugh anymore. I get shunned or scoffed at about what I like or am into and it sucks. Im sick and tired of hating and loving myself. Sometimes I believe it's the reason why I'm not going anywhere in life. I get called weird for being able to name 20+ batman villains along with some kind of weird fact about them. The fact that I cuddle with a stuffed animal that's 1/3 my size is weird I guess. My interest in arts is "too risky" and my love for Tim Burton and SFX is too random. The fact that I either what to be a forensic scientist or a director is bizarre. I can't have something and not be labeled as something I want. I'm intelligent, i get called that sometimes. But it's not in the way I like "you're weirdly intelligent and it's amazing".....weirdly intelligent?! How come because I'm nerdy and I can't stay focused, the fact that I'm fucking intelligent is weird? Also, me being blonde took a toll on my common sense apparently. Because I'm blonde when I make a mistake I get called out on it and then said it's because of my hair color! Excuse me, but people have had bigger brain farts and more importantly, I am smart. I may be horrible In Math and can't graph if the world was ending and only I could save it. But I can tell you a thing or two about the human body and i can reply in Spanish or french if you give me time to think about what I need to say. I can help you through a situation that's hurting you mentally and give you some tips. I can have a good conversation with someone about the Edgar Allen Poe and his amazing skills as an author to send a chill down your back!!! But when people see that I'm blonde....it may just all get washed away. This rant is something I need and I'll read this later and realize what I said is stupid. But sometimes being bizarre is something we all need.
