Fandom One-Shots

To Speak or Not to Speak {N.R.} (c)

character: natasha romanoff (black widow)
fandom: MCU (avengers)

Liar. The word swirled around her, dizzying and unsettling. Killer. Fake. She was drowning in their accusations. Monster, robber, manipulator. No matter how she tried to fight it, how she tried to contradict them, she couldn't help but see the fear in your eyes and she suddenly stopped, brought back to that night- the one where her world fell apart. The night where she ceased to be Natasha Romanoff, and completely became the Black Widow.

"No!" The words were an echo, just a fragment of a memory wanting to be forgotten. "Natasha, what are you... you killed him!"

She thought she could clear the red in her ledger, that by being an Avenger she was finally doing right, finally on the side of good. And she was, for a while. Good. She had tasted what it felt to be like on the side of the heroes, and she loved it. Craved it. She made friends, she made a family... and then they got to her.

She thought she had killed them all.

Instead they killed her. All of her loved ones, all those who trusted her... gone, by her hand.

She took little comfort in the fact that they were quick deaths- except for you. No, they made you suffer. They made sure that Natasha felt every hit, every cut, every burn that she inflicted on you. And she felt like she died with you.

You stupid, stupid idiot. Trying to be the hero, trying to save your family... why didn't you run? Why did you never listen to her?

"Na... tasha?" She could never forget the blank look in your eyes when you looked at her for the last time. "Come... back to me... please..." Even in death you were fearless. You didn't beg for your life once; it was admirable. She only wished it wasn't because of her.

"He's dead, Natasha. And I need to know how it happened." That was the coldest she had heard any voice. It was devoid of all emotion, and yet somehow portrayed your fury so effectively that even Natasha had to take a step back. She knew it was her doing, knew that she had been the cause of his death, and yet she didn't want you to know. Because you couldn't- wouldn't- forgive her. No matter what she did to fix it.

And she couldn't live with that.

She had killed your love, a mistake she would never make again.

The power inside that had been beckoning to you came out then. And she never once wondered how so much could fit inside such a small body. The intruders were trembling, sprinting away at the sight of your glow. But there were a few who had stayed, sending Natasha subtle looks that she knew you would catch, but when the moment finally came... she wished you hadn't.

"Cut the shit. What have you done?" When she didn't answer, you knew she was guilty. "What. Did. You. Do?" Nobody but her could see the remorse in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." That was all she said as she fought you. She knew she had the upper hand, knew she was stronger physically and mentally, and yet still she yearned for you to beat her just this once, to put her out of her misery. She wanted you to use the power you kept hidden, wishing you would end this, because anything was better then killing you. Even dying.

"This isn't you. Fight it, Natasha! Don't let them control you!" Bucky was the one that saved you, stepping in at the last possible moment. She had breathed an imperceptible breath of relief, but somehow Bucky had caught it. His face showed surprise before he covered it up. She was sure he was thinking up ways to save her, how he could escape with both his life and his friends.

That was why he had to go.

She couldn't be saved.

"You are not a puppet to be controlled. You are Natasha Romanoff, and I'll be damned if this is your legacy." Strong words for a weak man. Natasha closed her eyes when she killed him. She couldn't bear to see the disappointment on his face.

"I don't want this." But she did, didn't she? She wasn't fighting it. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You already have." Steve was gone, and so, she supposed, were you. Those words snapped something inside of her. Whatever was left of Natasha was gone, instead being replaced with the side of her she had wanted to keep hidden away forever.

"Thank you, Agent. You are not needed anymore." The Russian words cut through her head, causing her to wince, but she was also relieved. Now she could finally do what she had wished since they had gotten a hold of her.

She walked to the top floor of Avengers Tower; that's where the gym was, so you could get a good view of the city as you worked out. She climbed up the stairs slowly, her limbs like lead.

She finally made it to the top, only pausing once to see the view one last time.

Natasha had nothing but fiery determination in her eyes. She held up her wrist and aimed her gauntlet at the window. With one shot, it shattered- very fitting, she thought bitterly. She said her silent goodbyes to all those she had wronged today, saving you for last.

"You deserved better." The words were a whisper on her tongue. She calmly walked towards the opening in the wall, balancing herself on the edge. "You deserved better."

"And you deserve much worse than this, Natasha," she could hear your voice say. "Go back to the hell you crawled out of."

She was going to take your advice; you always knew what to do, after all.

She took a deep breath, then smiled. She didn't want to waste any more time.

She stepped off, and Natasha Romanoff was finally free.