Mailboxes and Park Benches ~A Ftm story~

Chapter 23

After the strange encounter, the four had gone back to their table. It took awhile to calm the enraged Ashley and explain to the group why Hunter was there. The discussion was quite awkward, with Ashley hissing and spitting at Hunter, and Matt frantically searching for words to describe their relationship. It wasn't easy gaining their trust and, though kind and willing to give Hunter a chance, they remained noticeably wary. Hunter tried his best to be as nice as possible, excepting of everything the group talked about. Although, he seemed a little absent minded, physically present but his mind distant. His eyes at times seemed to be glazed over sadly, no doubt thinking about his mistakes. He seemed to understand he didn't deserve to be welcomed so easily into the group, but they understood him and wanted to give him a second chance. Each day he sat with them, and each day became more and more comfortable. Luke noticed his previous friends staring at him in the halls a few times, whispering to each other and staring. Every time he saw them, Luke glared at them, his eyes full of venom. He came to realize they were the ones poisoning Hunter. He wanted so bad to be the "tough guy" so he hung out with the rudest ass wholes. He pretended to hate those that were "different" from him to make sure people didn't find out about who he truly was. But the thing was, those "different" from him were really closest. Luke could only imagine how it felt to push around people he could relate to so much. The people that really should be his friends but he was scared of so he pushed them farthest away. Luke still didn't feel that what he did was right but in a way he understood why he did it. It was (while a horrible one) a coping mechanism. And he had seen right through him from the very beginning. That's why he became another one of Hunter's targets. Ryan had been doing ok at home. His parents tried not to bring up anything about Ryan being trans. As for pronouns they still called him a "She" and his birth name but Ryan corrected them every time. Now this may seem like a lot but in reality it really wasn't, considering the small amount of times they were actually around each other. His parents tried desperately to talk to him more but he gave them the cold shoulder. They had no right to talk to him until they excepted him and called him what he wanted to be called. It may seem like he should instead try to explain to them instead of avoiding them. However whenever he tried to explain, they just rambled on with their points in a condescending tone. In order to effectively ignore his parents, Ryan hung out at Luke's place as if it were his own. He would just walk over whenever he wanted, even if no one was home (Luke said it was ok, though his mom was a little bit hesitant.) It was like his secret hide out or his second home. After school, Ryan and Luke would squish onto the seat with Matt and go to his place. Ryan would often crash there too. Ryan's parents weren't fond of it at all but yelling at him was not effective in the slightest. Each day flicked away and eventually the Motionless In White concert came up. Ryan was extremely excited... yet nervous. He had never been to a concert before and small worries slowly began to poke into his head.
What if they think I'm a girl?
What if there are asswholes?
What if there are sexists?
What if there are transphobes? Or homophobes?
What if I die?!?!
He expressed these concerns to Luke, who reassured him with his usual comforting words. When they got there, Ryan was shaking with anticipation. It was probably the best day of his life. His worries were washed away by the kindness of everyone there. The community seemed to all be there for each other. It was somewhere where Ryan could really fit in and be himself. Ryan was even more overjoyed when he joined an intense mosh pit.
"You sure you can handle it?" An older man had asked him.
"He can handle it." The dude's friend had said before joining in. It didn't seem like that big of a deal but to Ryan the use of the correct pronouns meant everything. It's funny how a complete stranger could know and except something his own parents didn't. On their way out of the concert, they stopped by the merch tables. Ryan got a poster and a hat. Luke got a shirt. After that amazing day, school  continued as did life in general. Ryan's parents were still calling him all the wrong things and he still continued to correct them. On one particular day, Ryan arrived at Luke's house looking like he had just been crying. When Luke had asked what happened he explained that his parents had walked in on him putting on his binder.
"What are you wearing?" His mother asked hesitantly, standing in the door to the bathroom.
"Nothing."
"Answer me. What is that?"
"It's just... a bra."
"That's not a bra."
"You know what? No! It's not! You know I'm not a girl! I'm a fucking boy! How many times do I have to say this before you understand?" Ryan had completely snapped and lashed out.
"I just want you to be comfortable in your body, Sophi..."
"It's Ryan!!!" That was the last thing Ryan had said before pulling over a shirt, pushing past his distressed mom, and rushing out of the house crying. Luke had comforted Ryan and made sure he was ok. That day Ryan slept over at Luke's without telling his parents anything and the next day he received a lot of backlash but, as usual, he hid in his cave-like room. After that day, his parents had a particularly hard time trying to talk. He hadn't said a single word to them since the "incident" with his mom. Not even when his parents had freaked out at him. All he did was walk past them and into his room. His mother's attempts at getting him to open his door were demolished and she didn't bother him for the rest of the day. Ryan's heart seemed to speed up every moment he was in their vicinity. When he was at Luke's house he could at least calm down a little bit. He didn't want to talk with them about the fact that he was binding and thankfully they gave up on pressuring him to talk. Each day he stayed in his room and only went downstairs to get food but didn't try to hide that he was binding. He would only stay there for a few seconds anyway so his parents never actually had time to try to talk. It was quite pathetic really. However, one day Ryan told Luke that something a bit odd happened. His mother had knocked on his door, pleading to just talk. She didn't seem angry or pushy and Ryan hadn't given her a chance in a while. He gave in just this once. Ryan hesitantly unlocked his door and let his mother in, sitting down and staring expressionless at his phone. His mom had awkwardly, yet trying to understand, asked him about being transgender. Ryan answered all her questions calmly and blatantly, not caring whether she was going to react how she usually did, in that passive-aggressive, condescending tone. However, while seemingly confused, she was obviously trying to be open and excepting of whatever Ryan had to say. He explained his dysphoria, how he wanted to get surgery and go on T and everything he was feeling as best as he could. The last thing Ryan really remembered and stressed when telling Luke about the encounter was when his mom had hesitantly asked
"So... you want to go on this... T?" She had asked in a hesitant, yet considering tone. Ryan looked at her.
"Yea. That's what will help me to be truly me. And I'm 100% sure." Ryan had stated confidently, staring directly into his mom's eyes. At this point he had given up on caring what his parents thought. He just felt so done and so emotionless when it came to them. But all his mom responded with was a nod, before walking to the doorway.
"Thanks for talking to me. I... I'm trying to understand. I don't. But I'm trying. I want to support you and I guess I should understand the topic better before... making such a strong opinion. I love you, Soph... Ryan." Ryan had stared curiously up at his mom, who smiled at him and, without another word, left. Ryan was confused by the experience, yet hopeful and Luke couldn't help but smile at his boyfriend. This was a big, and healthy step in Ryan's relationship with his parents and maybe even life in general. Luke felt a swell of pride for Ryan. He was so glad Ryan could be happy and hopefully make his way out of this dark corner of his life.