Running from My Past

Anniversary

I sat on the empty stairs, my new perch according to the others. It used to be in the hallway a few feet down from my door where his should have been, where it usually was. The dark door with the purple thundercloud had disappeared though, three days after its owner. 

 I had entered my room but had paused and turned back around. It felt off as I looked down the hall. When I had realized what it was, tears streaked down my face. It felt so much more final with his room completely gone. After that, I had disappeared into my room for days.

Eventually, it had gotten a little easier. I could go into the living room without being overwhelmed with grief. We had even started making videos again about six months after that night. At first, I had balked at the idea, we couldn't have Sander Sides without him. We left Virgil's spot empty. Thomas had tried to act out his part but Joan finally convinced him to give it up. It just wasn't the same.

It still hurt every day, every hour, and every minute that passed without him beside me.

I pulled my phone out and opened up the Youtube app. It immediately brought up Thomas's channel. With a few clicks, I started the series at the beginning, our series. Virgil wasn't in the first one although he had been present. The whole time we were filming he would anxiously intrude with his panicked thoughts. It had annoyed me to no end but I would give anything to go back.

The next video played. Virgil's grand entrance. He had refused to cooperate with the video but after talking to Patton for a bit he had reluctantly agreed and so he had joined us. From then on we became closer. I had learned more about him and no longer thought of him as annoying, Instead, I had fallen hardcore for that angsty emo. I had denied it and then I had accepted that it would never happen. Why would Virgil want me? He could obviously do so much better but then he did choose me.

I played through the episodes, not caring that I should have been working on other projects. Finally, I got to our last video together, when Deceit showed up and everything went downhill. I had mixed feelings about Deceit. He was the one who had put all of it into motion, the one who stole Logan and Patton away before leading us all into a trap.

Then again he had helped us in the end and I could understand why he had done it all. He loved Depression and would do anything to stay by his side even if his love was never returned. I would do the same for Virgil.

Usually, I stopped the thread after that video, denying that that was the end of seeing him. Instead, I let the next one play and read through the comments as it went on. Some congratulated Thomas on the new video, others commented on their favorite lines, a few asked where Virgil was and if he was doing okay.

As the next one played I did the same thing. This time there were more comments demanding to know about Virgil. The few Deceit lovers also wanted their lying snake back. By the next video, the Fanders were going crazy. Conspiracies went nuts as they started to worry. Many wrote to Virgil, begging for him to come back. Eventually, the comments lessened and they learned as I did to live without.

"Roman, you shouldn't be obsessing over this again." Logan flipped on the lights and made his way down to me. He placed his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him, letting the tears flow.

"I know it's bad and I should just stop but I can't, Logan. I promised I would get him back but there's nothing I can do. I just can't let go." My cries had now turned into loud sobs and I heard another pair of feet make their way down to us. Another pair of arms wove their way around me. 

"We all miss him Roman, and if there was any way we could get him back without harming Thomas we would, Kiddo."  Patton had said those words many times. I knew it was supposed to make me feel better but it hurt. It reminded me of how helpless I am.

"I just wish I could do something, anything! I just sit here and go through life like nothing is wrong but there's a huge piece missing. We can't fill it either and he can't come back," I cried. They exchanged their saddened expressions and hugged me tighter.

We stayed like that for a long time, just the three of us huddled on the stairs. It was just like old times before Virgil came along, except it wasn't. We hadn't realized how lucky we were to have him and now it was too late to cherish him.

Logan's watch buzzed and he moved his wrist to look at it. 12:00 a.m. I took a deep breath and tried to stop my heart from dying even more. It was officially two years without Virgil.