Halcyon (DISCONTINUED)

8

"Is this normal?" 

Ridge looks at me. "What? Laying with you?" I nod and he smiles kindly at me. "Yes, we're mates. It's normal." He leans up onto his elbows, still laying down. "Why do you ask?" 

I shrug, and nothing else is said. 

It's so weird. So strange. To be laying here with my supposed mate in a warm, safe house with good food and water - it's so weird. Unfamiliar.

It's nice. 

Ridge heaves a comfortable sigh, pulling the covers up more over both of us. "Get some sleep. I'll be here while you sleep, is that okay?" 

I nod and smile. "I'd like that."

It doesn't take long to drift easily into unconsciousness. 

I wake up screaming. That normally happens. What normally doesn't happen is my mate jumping awake and scrambling to hold me. 

Ridge pulls me into his lap, rocking us together. He smells panicked and I wonder why. "Easy, easy, it was just a nightmare," he soothes, his voice deep and soft, "you're okay. You're safe." 

I'm shaking and waiting for the affects of the terror to wear off. My mate helps relax my body. "I'm sorry," I say weakly, burying my nose into his neck. Guilt gnaws at me. 

"You don't need to apologize hun." Lips press against my temple and I shudder. Ridge doesn't say anything about it, thankfully. "Do you have nightmares often?" 

I nod. 

He tucks my head safely underneath his chin and I feel the vibrations in his throat when he talks. "What are they about?" The stubble on his chin brushes the top of my head.

I'm quiet, unsure if I should tell him.

"Things that have happened to me." 

Ridge pulls away to look me in the eyes. "What has happened to you, Halcyon?" His gaze is serious. 

I shake my head. He won't want you once he knows. My body feels gross. Disgusting. 

"Pull his legs apart. Yeah, you know you like it-" 

I whine and bury my head back into his neck. Ridge doesn't say anything when my breathing starts to shudder - he runs his fingers through my hair and then down my spine. I'm not flinching - my mind is somewhere else. His hands are on my back but I don't feel them - not really. 

There's a pressure on my thigh and I look up to see his hand resting there while the other one is rubbing my back. 

Anxiety in the form of fire threatens to expel whatever food I had left in my belly. The pressure of his hand seems to spreads over my groin in imaginary fingers and it feels like someone is trying to rip my dick off. I shudder and a gagging noise reaches my ears - my throat convulses and I'm vomiting all over my lap and Ridge's - feels like someone is shoving their cock down my throat - I can't breathe - 

Ridge has hauled me to the bathroom and I'm vomiting into the toilet. 

I know I'm screaming because my throat vibrates and burns with the intensity - "Stop! It hurts - ple-please st-op it hurts so m-much-"

Ridge rubs my back but it feels like fingers being forced to pry my legs apart and something is entering my ass- 

I'm sobbing. I can't breathe right. 

I collapse backwards onto Ridge, my body too weak to hold myself up. Through the panic, I hear my mate's amazing voice, "I've got you. No one can hurt you." It's a nice thought and I can't help but believe his words. "Halcyon, I think you're having a panic attack, can you breathe with me?" Through my tears, his face is blurry. 

"It feels so good - don't you feel good?" 

"Honey focus on me, okay? It's just us here. There's no one here but me." 

I'm gripping my mate's biceps hard with thin, trembling fingers. I know I must look crazy because he seems to reflect my face. He looks hard into my eyes and the vague thought of him trying to keep calm for me warms my heart for a second. 

"You-you'll protect me, r-right?" 

Ridge's face contorts but he nods and his lips press against my forehead. "Yes," he promises, "always." 

I cherish the feeling of security and crawl into his lap, both of us still covered in vomit. It smells horrid but I don't care, and it seems like he doesn't either. "I-I don't want them to come back, they will. I know they will. They'll hurt me again Ridge - they'll came back, they'll come back they'll come back they'll come-" 

Ridge cups my face, shutting me up. His voice is stern when he tells me, "I won't let them." Thumbs brush against my cheekbones. "I won't let anyone hurt you again." 

I stare into his amber eyes. "Promise?" My voice is barely a whisper. 

"I swear." 

His nose brushes mine and it's then I realize how close he is. My heart is pounding hard and I know he can hear it. He leans closer and my lips are already tingling before his eyes even shut. Tentatively, as if not to scare me, his lips brush mine. My eyes slide close and I melt into his kiss. 

As soon as it happened, it ends. I'm breathless with new emotions hitting my chest. Ridge wipes away tears that leak from my eyes. 

The moment ends when I smell the retched scent of my vomit covering us. 

He chuckles at my disgusted look. 

"Does puke not bother you?" I ask, untangling myself from him. He helps me up. 

"No, not really. Neither does poop. I don't know why." Ridge looks at me. "Can I help you with that?" He gestures to my stained clothes. It's an innocent request, and I find myself nodding. 

"I trust you." 

Ridge smiles and gently grabs the hem of my shirt, searching my eyes for any hesitation. "It's okay," he tells me, seeing my anxiety. 

I bite my lip and squeeze my eyes shut when he pulls the shirt over my head. I hear a gasp and my eyes fly open. Ridge struggles to regain his composure and I then realize he wasn't the one who removed the limbs from my back. This is the first time he's seen my body. 

I shrink into myself. 

"It's okay," Ridge coos, slowly unbuttoning my jeans. When did his hands get there? The button comes undone and I feel myself tense as he slowly slides my pants down. I'm still in my underwear but he makes no move to remove them and I'm relieved. 

I look down to see the scars littering my body. My shaking hands try to cover the expanse of bare skin but Ridge prys my hands away. 

"You're beautiful," he tells me. My eyes water. 

He smiles and pecks my lips before turning on the bath water. I jump at the sound. 

Ridge strips down to his underwear as well and I can't help but scan him. He's clear, perfect skin is practically glowing and I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Nasty scars lace my back and small, knife like scars litter my belly and chest. 

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Ridge guides me to the bathtub and we both get in. 

I really like Ridge. He's so sweet to my poor baby boi

-Ally