Innocence Lost (Negan x OC)

fighting for you

The sun was starting to peek along the horizon, showering the sky with deep purples, pinks, and oranges. It was calming in a sense, making me forget about the horrendous world that I had been living in for years. No matter how many walkers I killed, people I watched die, or corpses I watched reanimate, it would never seem real.

Last night was absolutely horrendous. The death toll of the Hilltop only rose as more and more people turned. The Saviors had indeed coated their weapons in walker guts, their goal to only turn people and not kill. It was sick. This was beyond Negan's mind. This had Simon written all over it.

"How's your foot feeling?" A hand on my shoulder made me jump lightly, the chair I was sat in rocking from my movement. I turned my head and looked up, my heart warming when my eyes met Rick's. His hand was still sat on my shoulder comfortingly, making my body relax from the prior tenseness it was in.

It was just turning from dawn to morning as I sat inside the large house. I had been sitting here for a while just admiring the way the sky looked through the glass doors after Siddiq fixed me up. Sure, my foot was still painful but I wasn't going to let it stop me from leaving as soon as I could to find Negan. He was my new priority. My family was taken care of, now it was time for him.

"Still hurts but I'll be fine." I smiled and patted his hand on my shoulder.

I watched him carefully as he walked towards the glass door and looked out at the sun that had now started to rise above the horizon. The soft orange light hit his blue eyes, making them sparkle and look brighter in the dim room.

"Are you going out there to find him?" Rick asked, turning to look at me. His question hit me like a ton of bricks. The air was pushed from my lungs and I gripped the arm rests tightly. What the hell was I suppose to say? How could I even answer that?

"No-"

"Don't lie to me." He cut me off. I clenched my teeth and took my eyes off his, turning my attention to my hands in my lap.

No matter how hard I try to forget about my situation, it always comes back with a vengeance to haunt me. I love Negan more than I should, but I also owe my whole life to Rick. He saved me more times than I could remember, so I know that I belong on his side. However, I couldn't just turn on Negan and leave him. He means too much to me.

"You know what he means to me, Rick." I said quietly. After I spoke, I could see his stance shift out of the corner of my eye.

"He's done so much shit to hurt us, Carli. He has killed our people and tortured them. How can you care about someone like that?" He said in disbelief.

"I know it doesn't make any sense to you, and it shouldn't, but you don't know the Negan I know. The only reason he even started shit with us is because we attacked him first. We started this. Underneath all the murderous, psychotic attitude, he is a person. Like you and me. He can hurt and he feels emotions just like we do. He isn't an animal. He isn't a monster. He is a human." I said as I leaned forward in my chair. I took my legs off the stool in front of me and sat them on the ground, wincing at the pain that shot through my foot.

"But he killed-"

"I know. I know what he did." I said, putting my hands on my face. Images of that night flashed through my mind, making me shiver and close my eyes tightly.

"But Rick," I said, uncovering my face and looking to him, "He has saved me so many times. He stopped me from being raped twice, saved me multiple times from dying, and protects me everyday from the shit going on in the world. He cares about me. He loves me and I love him. I know that hearing that makes you want to faint, and I don't blame you, but he cares for me like you do. Negan continues to show me a side of him that I never imagined I would see. He's gentle with me... he's told me countless times that I mean everything to him and I believe that." I stood up and crossed my arms while walking towards him.