Our Fooling Game

006

Spencer Tracey

My head hurt, my nose and my eyes did too. I knew I should have stayed at home today. Funny how I called it a home but it felt like the opposite. I've only been living there for two weeks now and I've never felt more trapped. It was so empty. I've never liked being on my own but now I've got no choice.

As I walked into my Economics class I remembered the drugs sitting on the living room table. I should've taken those, maybe it would've helped. But then; I hate drugs, I couldn't stand the smell.

I took my seat at the far end of the class and immediately rested my head down on the desk. I felt so tired and I really wished the throbbing in my head would go down. Bending my head down didn't seem like a good idea minutes later when it felt like my brain matter was about spilling over and my nose clogged completely. I panicky turned to the side, using my mouth to breath and my eyes found Percy Flynn already looking at me.

I frowned. He was sitting amongst his friends and other seniors, they seemed to be involved in a funny discussion and yet he had his eyes on me. This was the only class were seniors and Juniors merged but it's only for two weeks, next week after we're done with the current topic, they'd be gone. If someone were to even count the seniors, they'd count Percy among. He didn't look like a junior at all; in fact if he didn't shave you could mistake him for a college guy.

At 5"8 he already had bulging muscles and his fitted outfits didn't help matter. Then there was his matured sculptured face and those almost blue eyes that always looked like they were on a mission. His light brown hair was groomed as always, a direct opposite to how his brother usually carried the same identical hair. Percy was unorganized but Percy was calculative and Percy could either be the most amazing best friend or most vicious enemy.

Paxton Flynn however was different, although they shared a strong resemblance and identical hair, they were very different. Paxton was shorter and smaller. Unlike Percy's sharp features, Paxton's were milder. Paxton didn't really care about appearance, Percy did. Paxton was organized although he went with the flow sometimes and I don't think he could afford to be anyone's vicious enemy.

I didn't even know why I was comparing the two. I was in love with one and best friends with the other. But that friendship ended months ago when Percy made sure he clearly told me that he hated me, both with his fist and words. Which was why the fact that he was looking at me was completely confusing. He looked worried about me and I thought maybe he was feeling. . . guilty? Nah, pity was more like it. Well, he shouldn't because I was a horrible person.

I looked away from him so I could take up some tissues and cough like a maniac. By the time I was done coughing and sneezing, my whole pain had tripled and it felt like I had just ran a triple marathon.

"Mr. Tracey, are you okay?" No one answered the teacher and I thought she was speaking on her phone. "Mr. Tracey? Mr. Tracey?" The girl behind me tapped me and I reluctantly looked up. It took me almost a full minute to realize that I was Mr. Tracey. I was not really getting a hang of this name change thing.

"Huh?" I managed to ask.

"Are you okay?" The young teacher asked looking concerned.

I opened my mouth to answer but someone else beat me to it. "Obviously, he's not." We all turned around to see that it was Percy who answered on my behalf.

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine, just a little cough."

"Can you sit for the class?" The teacher asked again and I nodded. When I took my seat again, I risked a look at Percy and he was glaring at me.

It was like he actually cared about me and that was just unsettling. I was sure my mind was making it up, like it usually did. I saw too much into things. I expected too much. I got too attached and at the end, I hurt too much. It was like my whole system was wired to be exaggerated.

Ryder advised me to go see some psychologist. That was the first thing she said to me after our incident and the last thing she has said to me until now. But I couldn't do that, I was scared they were going to see something in my head and I'd have to go through it all alone. I would rather wait, when my mum recovers from cancer then I'd go see the psychologist. At least then if something was truly wrong with me, I'd have her support because at the end of the day, she was the only one I've got.

My dad's there too but I couldn't bring it in me to rely on him, or trust him. He has barely known me and all the whole time I've tried to cause a fuss just so I could test his love for me — pull at his strings, foolish of me but I did it anyway— even though he'd sometimes side with me, I could see the pain in his eyes when he did. He loved Ryder and her mum, not me. And my mother always said, someone who loved you would never let you go. Where was he all seventeen years of my life? I guess a part of me was angry that he has the perfect life and a loving daughter that he pampers while I was dealt with the opposite. He doesn't need me, never did, never will.

I was obviously seeing too much into it, I didn't need a psychologist to tell me I have big attachment, abandonment and love issues. I could blame it all on the four foster homes I've been through. From one transfer to another, I felt abandoned by my real parents and I tried so hard to fit in with my foster homes. I learned four languages, I read books, I got good grades, I tried to be the perfect child. I wanted someone to cherish me so much, they'd never let me go... again. But that never happened and it just kept getting bad and bad until my mum found me.

Apparently she'd been looking for me. I didn't want to go with her, I was scared she wouldn't like me and I could handle the foster parents not liking me but my own real mum? No way. She drove that fear away quickly by her continuous persistence and endless law suits with my ex foster parents. She went through a great deal to get me back and it was worth it. Ida Caldwell was a great woman and we got along very well. I finally thought my life was perfect but life had to bite me again and soon mum was diagnosed with fourth stage lung cancer.

Fourth stage... I hated acknowledging the stage; it brought bile to my throat. So for everyone that asks, I'd tell them it is the third stage. At least then they actually side with me in believing she would make it.

Anyway, that was when the hunt for my dad began because Ida didn't want to die and leave me all alone. I don't believe she'd die though, God won't let that happen. So bottom line is, Percy couldn't possibly care about me. Only he knew what was going on in that head of his.

The class ended quite too late and I felt like my lungs and head was on fire. I've had two coughing fits and three sneezing fits. I was just about ready to die.

"Did you take the drugs as expected?" I heard Percy say and soon we were walking side by side.

"Um... Yeah," I lied, holding into a nearby locker to keep me steady. Gosh, I could barely feel my feet. I don't know why he was so concerned and I was actually scared of fucking up with him again. Although there was nothing going on to fuck up.

I stopped when I felt Percy's hand on my shoulder and soon enough he was standing in front of me. "Then, why do you look so bad?"

I shrugged his hand off. "I'm fine."

He stopped me again. "Spencer you look like something I dreamt up after watching The Walking Dead."

My lips tugged up on their own accord. "You never finished that show."

"Couldn't," He replied then physical shuddered.

I almost chuckled but even that soon turned to one of my worst mistakes as the laughter soon turned into a vicious coughing fit that raked the last energy out of me.

"Spencer?"

I looked up just in time to see Paxton looking down at me concerned, I smiled, he cares and then — black out.

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