Reviews 2.0

Don't Speak (onebluerose)

Reviewer: onebluerose

Author: DarkRoyallty

Cover: 9/10

I really like the cover of the book. It gives a certain look of mystery to the main guy just like how [I believe] you wanted to portray him in the story. The font you used is also nice and readable. Overall, appealing.

Description / Summary: 8/10

The description / summary of your story is okay. It's not bad but not that great either. First point, you revealed that the main guy does not speak since the accident. It is a major spoiler in a way [maybe it's not the main twist but still]. Second, you have a few grammar errors/spelling mistake. Overall, it is okay but could use a few tweaks to improve and be more interesting.

Chapter Review: 7/10

There are a lot of spelling mistakes as well as grammatical errors. A lot of times, proper punctuations are ignored. It would also help to add descriptions so readers could visualize what is happening or where the characters are during certain moments. The last line on chapter 11 really killed the tension/mood of the situation for me. It makes me not take that part seriously.

Main Characters:

6/10​​ As for the characters, I don't really find the main girl likeable. She appeared as too self important to me and she complains too damn much. The part where she visited the Jynns' house for the first time came off as disrespectful in my own interpretation as she barged in like she owned the place then went straight to the fridge. I get the thing "make yourself comfortable" but she stepped over the line there, in my opinion. ​[Unless that was what you are going for in her character.]​​ Also in your first chapters where she was betrayed I get that you place it in Jovel's point of view that Eludia diverted her attention to him to let herself forget her heartbreak. But maybe include little details here and there about she felt about all that betrayal not just anger. Her curiosity towards Jovel also felt a bit forced.

8/10 ​​The main guy, on the other hand, is okay. The only thing I can point out is the development of their relationship. Like the first scene he's just the new guy then he's suddenly all interested in Eludia in the next scene and following her like a lost puppy. Maybe put something in between that illustrates how they came to that point.

Activity of the Writer: 9/10

I could not say anything exact regarding this but I've seen that the author is pretty active with her conversations on her profile.

Plot: 8/10

The storyline was simple at first and then the first twist came... then another... then another... then another... It got a bit overwhelming towards the end, actually. But the overall the idea is great. The mystery you wanted to create in the story is really interesting and as a reader, I wanted to find out why the main guy wasn't speaking (even though you let slip in the summary that it was 'since the accident happened).

Overall Advice:

The story idea is great. I would love to read it again if you ever decide to edit it. Maybe be more subtle with clues about the twists as your story is a bit predictable right now. Work on how each chapter/twist connects with each other to make it less confusing and overwhelming.

Also, the ending, (which you specifically asked an opinion of) is a bit... well it seemed like "Hey, so what? They look the same, feel the same so maybe I'd just settle with this one," kind of vibe. She was all, I miss the other one... I wish the other one comes back. Then suddenly all hearts and cuddles with Jovel the next scene. I felt kinda heartbroken for Jovel because of this. As a result, I did not like the main girl until the end.

This is just my opinion. A single person's point of view. Please know that the things I pointed out are not flat out negativity but rooms for improvement. Thank you for trusting me!