Reviews 2.0

A Demon Too Many (JadedElegance)

Reviewer: JadedElegance

Author: CosmicAxel

Disclaimer For All!: Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer! As you read your review, please keep in mind that I look at each work through a lens of "constructive criticism". This means I will point out both positive and negative aspects of your work. In some cases, I will give suggestions on how you might improve a consistent issue or why a chapter just doesn't work for me. I may leave edits in-line within your chapters. I look at each work through the lens of a prospective judge or publisher, so please don't think I am being harsh, nitpicky, or simply dislike your story. I very much enjoy every author and story that comes my way! If you enjoy my review, please do not hesitate to request me again for just the "Chapter Review" of your next set of chapters. Your other scores will not change unless major changes are made to the book, but further edits and critique will be provided.

Cover: 4.25/5 

I love the image on the front of the cover. She definitely looks like a proud and self-assured woman in this picture. It made me think briefly of Anne Rice's "Queen Of The Damned", starring the actress Aaliyah. Without knowing whether she's the demon or someone who becomes involved with one, I can tell that she is powerful and the story likely either is told from her perspective or greatly focuses around her. There's also the sense of the woman "breaking apart" in a Picasso-esque fashion, which tells me that this is a character who goes through a time of self-doubt, uncertainty, and change in her life.

The problem with the cover is that the image is so large, there's no room for the title. The title is the most prominent thing on a book, and yours is squished all the way at the top. Your name is also rather difficult to even notice, tucked away in a corner most here on Wattpad would reserve for a sticker. The issue can be solved easily by shrinking the graphic slightly and lowering the title. Otherwise, the colour scheme and symbolism is just lovely.

Title: 5/5 

As a reader of supernatural and dark fantasy, the title immediately grabs my interest. When coupled with the lovely image of a strong, powerful woman on the front of the cover, this book makes it through the first two obstacles---getting the reader to choose to pick it up off of the bookshelf. When choosing a title, I've learned it's important to choose something not only relevant to your story, but something that's not already in use by a few other manuscripts. After all, no one wants to find their work panned by a reviewer, only to learn it was that other book with the same name. You've done a great job grabbing the reader's attention thus far.

Blurb/Summary: 3.5/5 

This is where things start to fall apart for me a bit. When I work with writers on their blurbs and summaries, the first thing I always tell them is to remove anything that isn't relevant to describing the content of the book. This includes rankings, contest wins, quotes, review snippets, or other things writers think will grab interest. Honestly, it doesn't, unless you're a Pulitzer or Nobel Prize winning author. These achievements are best left notated in a chapter inside the book.

Because you have limited space in a blurb, you need to make sure to answer the following questions in order to hook a reader. 1) Where is the story set and in what time period? 2) Who is the MC? 3)What is the MC's goal in the story? 4) What or who is the obstacle? Backstory should be minimal in a blurb. The story you're telling is about what happens in the future, and while you address many of those questions a blurb should answer, little is told about the future. In short, you've described a character and her struggles when the story begins, but left out much of the plot. What's the thing that comes along to alter her life and how does it help or hurt her?