Reviews 2.0

The Incorruptible Corrupted (JadedElegance)

Reviewer: JadedElegance

Author: MickeyAndDara

Disclaimer For All!: Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer! As you read your review, please keep in mind that I look at each work through a lens of "constructive criticism". This means I will point out both positive and negative aspects of your work. In some cases, I will give suggestions on how you might improve a consistent issue or why a chapter just doesn't work for me. I may leave edits in-line within your chapters. I look at each work through the lens of a prospective judge or publisher, so please don't think I am being harsh, nitpicky, or simply dislike your story. I very much enjoy every author and story that comes my way! If you enjoy my review, please do not hesitate to request me again for just the "Chapter Review" of your next set of chapters. Your other scores will not change unless major changes are made to the book, but further edits and critique will be provided.

Note Just For You: Before I start my review, I have to express how excited I am to be asked to review this. I also have a book set during the time of the First French Revolution. The MC, a French aristocrat and loyal Monarchist, writes in her journal about the demise of "Le Diable Robespierre" being the happiest day of her young life, as she holds him responsible for the deaths of her family and friends during the Reign Of Terror. I'll try not to hold her disdain against this story. ;) I'm very familiar with the history of this time period, and happy to see another writer who is as well...even if the story is told from the opposite perspective. "SQUEEE!"

Cover: 3/5 

I very much understand you were going for a bold artistic choice here, perhaps a drawing done by a character in the story or one of the many satirists that would have published such things back in the day to mock those in power. However, it ends up looking like either the cover of a children's book or an homage to the pop art of the Warhol Era. It's an interesting and creative choice and I applaud that. Unfortunately, I don't think it's one that's the average reader, judge, or critic will understand. It simply isn't the right style for Historical Fiction, even that which isn't Historical Romance, and I fear your book will be unfairly judged by the cover. I'd explore ways to take the symbolism of the drawing and turn it into something a bit more refined and reflective of the period.

Title: 4/5 

The title is not wrong, per se, and yet it keeps poking at my brain, driving the grammar part to distraction. It is important for a title to be memorable and speak about your story. While it does that, for me, it is memorable for the wrong reasons. The wording is simply off-putting, and I spent too much time trying to figure out why this title feels wrong. It isn't, but it hits the ear like a bad note in a concerto.

"The Incorruptible Corrupted" is an interesting choice, but one would generally write "The Incorruptibly Corrupted". Somehow, shortening the title to something like the "The Incorruptible" or reversing the phrase to read "The Corrupted Incorruptible" takes away the nagging feeling that the grammar used in the title is off-base. You could also add a punctuation mark to make it "The Incorruptible, Corrupted."

Aside from that, I immediately understand the ironic meaning of the title and it captures both Robespierre and the era well. The downfall of Robespierre, like many of the era, is that most thought of themselves as punishing the guilty while themselves being examples of self-serving, self-indulgent creatures. This period of time was one of few innocents, and Robespierre certainly wasn't among them.

Blurb/Summary: 3/5 

The importance of the blurb is to hook the reader into the world that's being painted by the book. This era was one of the most opulent eras in history, turned into one of the most savage and bloody times in (relatively) recent history. It has so much potential for descriptive writing and world-building, and it hooks the reader if that starts in the blurb.

The paragraph you have right now isn't bad, but it can certainly be stronger. I do like the opening line, "Just days ago, Maximilien de Robespierre was the most feared man in all of France".