Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001
Author: wolfxrain
Cover: 9/10
The cover is really beautiful. I love the background photo used as well as the fonts. The write-up on the cover "FEAR IS LIFE GREATEST ENEMY", I'm not quite sure if that's exactly what was written there, needs to be a bit more clearer. Maybe you could change the font and use one that's short so that no matter how bright you make it, it wouldn't overshadow the other texts. You should also work on the text arrangement or placement.
Description/Summary: 8/10
When paragraphing, you must always give a one line spacing and not some slight gaps in a line. This is because giving a one line spacing makes it look more organized. The description/summary is actually quite okay. There was a place I did find a bit confusing. The first sentence in your second (or last) paragraph.
Chapter Review: 8/10
I read only your introduction and seven chapters. The book is quite interesting. Although there were errors in each chapter, some are not quite pronounced while some tends to confuse the readers.
From your introduction, I'll advice you break down your paragraphs into smaller ones. That way when reading, the reader can easily feel the emotions radiating off each sentence you made. I noticed that in most cases, you use 'they're' instead of 'their'. I also noticed a lot of tense shifts.
From your first chapter, the organization needs work. After giving a one line spacing, you don't have to do the other type of paragraphing again because that'd be double paragraphing. I noticed that you used comma most of the time in places where a punctuation mark isn't needed. Plus, it makes your work look unorganized. When ending a dialogue, you don't use full stop when you're not using an eclipse or an exclamation mark or a question mark. Rather you use a comma except on few occasions.
From your second chapter, I'll advice that you break your paragraphs to bits. I also noticed some grammar errors as well as some tense shifts. Like in the first paragraph, where you wrote "Sensing the danger rising, Nicole, nor did I, have the patience to wait." should have been written or could be written like this: "Sensing the danger rising, neither Nicole nor I had the patience to wait."
From your third chapter, I'll advice that you break down your paragraphs. You should also work on your paragraphing. At first it was alright then later on, you went back to double paragraphing. This was also present in your second chapter. Some places where a bit confusing, like the place where she found some clues on her brother while with Nicole. The way the whole dialogue was clustered made it all the more confusing.
Activity of the Writer: 7/10
The writer replies to most messages on her conversation board but rarely replies to comments in her comment box.
Plot: 9/10
The plot is really great. I love that you didn't make the beginning cliché by letting Lorraine to be able to save her brother and father even if she was strong enough to do so.
Overall Advice:
The story is well written but it really needs editing. You'll need to work on your organization, punctuation as well as your grammar and spellings.
Also, do try as much as possible to reply to all comments and messages by your followers and readers.
That all aside, I'll give this book an 8/10.
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