Reviews 2.0

Sip my Shades (Annie_Moon2001)

Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001

Author: magnate

Cover: 10/10 

Love the cover. It truly relays what the book is all about. Them both having dark pasts that would later be the reason for their togetherness. Love the fonts used as well. 

Description/Summary: /10 

The demarcations of Josh and Alisa's quote makes it look totally disorganised.In the place where you wrote about her father's death, you should have used 'dead' instead of 'died'.In the questions part, your first question, meet should have an 's' in it. That way it'd be, "What happens when Alisa meets Josh, a stranger..." Again, you're supposed to use a question mark and not a full stop.In the next line of questions, you were supposed to use one instead of someone and arrange it properly. An illustration, "Or would one end up destroying the other?"In general, I'd advice you edit in terms of grammar and organization. 

Chapters Review: 8/10 

Prologue:I'm already loving this book. And the poem by the mysterious guy, OMG!!! That was deep. Well the whole chapter was deep. I could actually feel the raw emotions. The grammar is just on point. I did notice a place that could use some work. No worries, it's just a word. From your second paragraph, first sentence "...and in the span of time decide to get married..." I'd advice that you use 'a' instead of 'the'. 

Chapter One (In the Dark):First of, I'd point out where I think needs work.

"I don't remember anything what happened in my past..." I'd advice that you use that instead of what."...except only one glimpse that I dream oftentimes, my dad smeared in blood and his face as gloom as darkness." The sentence sounds a bit off. 

I'd advice that you spell out your numbers with the exception of years in terms of calendar like 2004 and so on, when writing a time range or any range at all like 2 - 10. The place that you wrote 'godamn', when the MC was talking about her mom's opinion on her dad. I'm not sure if your spelling was intentional. If it wasn't, it'd be great if you spelt it out as 'God damn'. 

There was a place you wrote fumblr instead of tumblr. This was in the Wendy's speech. I'm not quite sure if this is intentional but I'm just pointing it out. 

So far, the story is very interesting. I'd really love to know why Josh is the way he is. 

Chapter Two (Pray):I'd advice you work on the beginning of this chapter. The first two sentence to be specific.The place where you wrote, "is refusing it ruthlessly." concerning both her heart and mind's decision on her waking up in your first paragraph. I'm trying to figure out if that's a sentence on its own or... 

I noticed a dialogue that you didn't punctuate. The part where your MC greeted Bruce, the villain. There are also some other places you didn't punctuate.The place where you wrote, "He doesn't even manage to give me fucking look and his..." you omitted 'a' from it.

Chapter Three (Life in Vain):The place you wrote, "...I decided to go with the option number one." I'd advice that you remove 'the' from that sentence because it'd sound a whole lot better that way. 

The paragraph that you started with, "But still after having so many downsides of parties, there's clearly one..." needs to be edited. Read through it and you'd see that it sounds a bit off."I walk through the crowd to the corner where's a little counter, and a..." I'd advice that you spell out the there's that way it'd be, "I walk through the crowd to the corner where there's a little counter, and a..."I'd just remind you to try to punctuate your dialogues. 

I feel like strangling the guy (Josh) that helped the MC (Alisa) when she was drunk. How dare he insult her so badly? Can I strangle him? Please! 

Plot: 10/10 

The book is like freaking interesting. Once I started reading it, I just couldn't drop it. Although I'm a bit pissed, maybe more than a bit, that the book is still ongoing.

I'm like really super curious to know how it'd end. I think Josh is the guy from Tumblr. Also, Alisa's ex Bruce, I'm curious to know his reaction when he learns that she has moved on. Would he try to murder her or do something really crazy? Can I murder him? What dark past made Josh the way he is? Ella is like the life of the whole thing. She's the reason why Alisa met josh again in that open air or nature party. It's really sad that Alisa tried committing suicide and OMG! I can't believe they freaking kissed. (Sorry for my language, just really excited and hyper.) 

Your story is really interesting. There's something that actually confuses me. Is this book in present tense or past tense? From the looks of things, it seems to be in present tense but you did end up mixing up your tenses in some places. 

Overall Advice: 

I'll just advice that you take note of the things I pointed out. Also, please complete your story. I'm dying of curiosity already. 

That all aside, I'll rate this book a 10/10.