Don't Look Back - A Niam Horayne Love Story

Chapter 2 - I Wasn't Letting Go

When I woke the following morning, I was alone. I felt around me, thinking maybe Niall had just rolled in his sleep, but the couch was cold other than the space my body took up. I sighed, wishing once more that we could just tell everyone the truth.

Yawning, I sat up and snatched my phone from the floor. It was just after nine, so maybe Niall had simply gone to eat breakfast. We all know how hungry he can get.

Sure enough, I found him half inside the refrigerator with his bum sticking out. Smirking, I settled back against the doorframe, admiring his backside. He appeared to be rummaging around and looking for something, and he eventually pulled out of the fridge with a glass of milk. As he spun, he saw me and let out a little shriek, depositing the glass on the countertop and clutching at his chest.

“God, Li, you scared me,” he chuckled, “Were you checking out my bum?”

My smirk grew. “Why of course, gorgeous,” I said, batting my eyelashes at him. He just broke out in a laugh.

When he was able to straighten up, he shook his head. “You know, I think you flirt better when you’re not trying, love.” I grinned and he chuckled again.

“Hey, were you getting that milk for a reason?” I wondered, pointing to the abandoned glass.

He shrugged, “I think I was, but I forgot. Go get dressed, Li-li, I’ll wake Harry and get his lazy arse out of bed so he can make us food.” I obeyed, finding ‘my room’ and searching for the clothing I knew had been unpacked somewhere.

I had a strange feeling of unease, but I tried to shake it off. What could be wrong? I just had a bit of cheeky conversation with my boyfriend, who I’d spent my night in the arms of. We worked out our issues regarding who knew about us. There was no reason I should be feeling off. Shaking my head, I decided the outfit I’d thrown on was good enough and started back to the kitchen.

On the way I caught the delicious smell of fresh waffles. I smiled, knowing I would have extra and wouldn’t hesitate to give it to Niall. Maybe even a little more than what was actually extra, because I loved him and making him happy was a priority.

Harry was standing in front of the pans in only his boxers and looking dead on his feet. The poor lad probably wasn’t fully awake yet when Niall shoved him down here to make breakfast. That boy can get us to do anything for his food, I swear.

As soon as the waffles were in the middle of the table, Niall piled them onto his plate and shoved one in his mouth. I sniggered at him, causing pinkness in his cheeks. “Slow down there, leprechaun! Leave some for the rest of us!” He gestured for me to sit beside him, and I took some for myself.

The rest of the boys as well as Louis and Harry’s families trickled slowly in, taking seats and getting food. Now that everyone was here, I couldn’t be quite so affectionate toward Niall. I had to act like he was just another friend.

Strangely, it didn’t feel too odd not being touchy-feely with Niall. I thought it was going to be extra difficult, considering last night, but I just had to tell myself it was public time and I was not Niall’s boyfriend, at least not for the moment.

It shouldn’t have been so easy to convince myself that I wasn’t in love with him. I should’ve been dying to run up to him and plant a deep kiss on those lips, or crush him against me, or hear him moaning my name. But I just didn’t. It was so easy to imagine that this was real: us just being close friends, having a good time with our friends and their families. It was starting to scare me. Why wasn’t I craving my boyfriend like I used to?

Maybe it was just the time. That must be it. Everyone knows the initial spark of a relationship dies down a bit over time, so ours must be lessening in this moment. I didn’t particularly want it to, but if it meant our relationship would stay strong than anything was fine by me.

We spent the day out back, swimming and running around and having fun. It had been so long since I’d seen Louis and Harry acting so carefree, and I felt like a proud father watching them.

Zayn stayed away from the water, cautious after the accident last time we were on break with a pool. I couldn’t bring myself to blame him: After all, Louis is known for his extreme pranks, and he could definitely use Zayn’s fear against him. He sat in the sun away from the edge of the pool, presumably attempting to tan.

Louis and Harry were playing games in the pool with their siblings, which were hilarious to watch. They tried everything from chicken fighting, to racing, to versions of tag. Somehow, they always managed to end up with all the other kids out and Louis and Harry somewhere in the pool celebrating their victory. And by celebrating… I mean having a snog right there in front of everyone. I understand they’re in love, but we really didn’t need to see that every few minutes.

Niall was sitting and relaxing against the side of the pool from a small ledge. He had a beer in one hand and the other was thrown across the cement edge of the pool. I made my way over to him, plopping down in front of the place his arm was stretched behind. He let his arm slide over my shoulders, and I took in the feeling of comfort.

Neither of us said anything; we just sat there and watched everyone else. Now words needed to be said. The sun felt comfortably warm on my body, and the water helped keep be from getting too hot with the added heat of Niall’s arm.

I thought about how I’d been feeling earlier. The spark between us had definitely died down; I could feel it now. I didn’t get much of the firework feeling at his touch the way it used to be. It still felt amazing, like no other feeling in the world, but it couldn’t compare to what his touch did to me until recently.

We could not be ending. I knew our love was too strong for that. We were too strong for that. I would not stand by and watch our love fade. I made up my mind right then, that even if he didn’t want me, even if he thought what we had was gone- I would still fight for him, every step of the way. Niall was mine, and I wasn’t letting him go.

Possessiveness running through my veins like a hot fire, I laid my head on his shoulder, and he placed his head on top of mine. At some point I noticed everyone else going back inside, so I turned to Niall only to see him already getting on his feet and reaching a hand down. I gripped it, and he tugged to pull me up. He accidentally pulled a little bit too hard, making me crash into him, my lips on his.

I automatically began to move my lips, kissing him passionately. He kissed me right back, but pulled away before I could move our hands from their grip on each other.

“We’re still outside, love. Where anyone could be watching us. Save it for later.” He added a little wink to the end, making me blush.

“Right, I forgot. Sorry,” I muttered, disappointed.

He used his finger to tilt my chin up until my eyes met his. “Hey, none of that. I promise I’ll make it up to you later,” he smiled gently at me.

“Of course you will, Nialler,” I replied.

Suddenly, I heard the noise of the door to the house opening. “What’s taking you guys so long? We’ve been in for, like, forever just waiting-“ Louis barges over to us. “Hold up, was I interrupting something?”

I sighed, knowing I had to deny it. “Of course not, Lou. We were just getting up. We’ll be in soon, alright?” He nodded, hurrying back inside.

It was getting more frustrating. All this hiding and sneaking around just to be our real selves was difficult. At first it was kind of fun, having a secret nobody knew about except the one person I trusted my existence with. But now I really just wanted to be able to show that he was mine and hold him like I wanted to be held. Why did our relationship have to be so complicated?

Why did I feel like our love was dying?