Don't Look Back - A Niam Horayne Love Story

Chapter 11 - Looking For Nialler

A few days passed, and I kept my promise to Danielle and the boys. I moved back into my room in our house, spending time with my girlfriend and making sure she felt loved. I couldn’t get rid of the guilt of the past, no matter what I did for her.

I took her to the nicest restaurants in the city. We went shopping together and I bought her anything she took a fancy to. If she texted me saying she was lonely or bored, I was at her door in minutes. I was trying everything, but nothing could chase away the guilt, and it was frustrating me.

“Dani?” I asked as we were cuddling on her couch. She looked up at me, motioning for me to go on. “Why is it that guilt lasts so long?”

She sighed, lying down in my arms. “It normally doesn’t. If you’re still feeling guilty, maybe there’s something you haven’t yet apologized for. Maybe it’s something you’ve forgotten about. Have you talked to Niall yet?”

This was a subject we had avoided. I knew she was uncomfortable talking about him, even though she tried to tell me it didn’t bother her. “No,” I muttered.

“Maybe you just need to clear things up with him,” she suggested. I bit my lip, thinking. I was feeling stronger and much more stable since I had become Danielle’s, and she was gradually helping me return to the joyful person I was before Niall. The person I’d never been when I was sneaking around and hiding my feelings from anyone and everyone. It was nice to feel like myself again.

Wait a minute… I hadn’t talked to Niall yet, and we hadn’t had any awkward run-ins. I hadn’t seen him at all in the mornings or nights, and I hadn’t seen him in the studio when I went in for my recording time. Where was he?

“Did the boys say anything to you about him?” I questioned. She raised an eyebrow. “You know, about Niall? Like, where he is or anything?”

“He left about halfway through the week you were gone, saying he needed to think as well. The boys couldn’t imagine how he was feeling and hated to see him so down, so they let him go. I think they’ve been keeping in touch, but to be honest I’m not entirely sure. I figured he’d come back sooner or later. Why?”

“I just noticed he hasn’t been home. I haven’t seen him since the night I left, and I haven’t seen any of the boys on the phone with him or texting him. This morning, they actually looked a bit anxious but I brushed it off. Do you think he might be ignoring them?” I was stumped. I knew I’d hurt him badly, but there was no need for him to ignore the other boys. They hadn’t even known what was going on and this had nothing to do with them. The only reason they knew we’d been together was…

My letter. I’d left that letter, and by a few days later they all would’ve read it. Was Niall running from facing the truth? Was he trying to pretend nobody knew what he was going through still, and that he could put on an act and have us all buy it? He couldn’t be. I’d left so he would have time to heal and move on, not so he would cry over me and break even further! This was my fault. I felt hot tears in the corners of my eyes.

“Liam? Li-li, what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry,” Danielle observed worriedly, rubbing her thumbs beneath my eyes. I just shook my head, unable to form proper thoughts. I had managed to cause another problem, just when I thought things were working out okay. Of course.

“I’ve got to go, Dani,” I choked out.

“Why?” Her eyes peered into my own.

I took in a shaky breath. “I don’t think Niall’s coming back until we force him to.” Understanding lit her eyes, and she pushed me to her door.

“Don’t worry about me, Li. I’ll be fine right here, and I’ll let you know if I hear anything from the boys about him. He’s your best friend and I know he’ll always hold a place in your heart, no matter what you guys used to have. And One Direction wouldn’t be the same without the adorable Irish boy. Go get him.”