Don't Look Back - A Niam Horayne Love Story

Chapter 8 - Just Can't Do This

After a good while, we looked up at each other. Danielle looked a mess, and I was sure my face mimicked hers. Neither of us wanted to start, but we both knew we would eventually have to say what we were thinking. The time for lies was long gone. Hadn’t that been my purpose in originally coming here, after all?

I drew my focus back to the girl seated in front of me when I heard a heartbreaking sigh. “Liam, I just don’t know what to say,” she started.

“You don’t have to say anything, Dani. I know I messed up and you probably hate me now, like he does. I always end up being the weak one who can’t stand up for what’s right. I’ve gone and lost him, and look, I can’t even say his name anymore without my heart burning in pain. So go ahead, leave me. That’s what I would do if I were you. In fact, I don’t even know why I’m still here; I’m wasting time and space.”

“No, I could never hate you. No matter what you do to me, I could never hate you. I still love you Liam, but I know I can’t exactly say we’re together. You just basically told me you’re gay, and you’re right. That’s something that hurts to hear form your boyfriend. But I can’t watch you suffer, Liam.” She took a deep breath, seeming to calm herself.

“I should’ve known. I saw the way you looked at him, so much more intense than how you ever looked at me. I didn’t want to let myself think there was something between you two because I love you and I thought I had you, which was really all I could ask for. I can see why you’d choose him. I’m nothing special.”

I sighed before dropping my feet from the couch and scooting closer to her. “Of course you are. You’re just the right height and you’ve got gorgeous glowing eyes and that flowing chocolate-caramel hair. You’re not too skinny, and you’ve got some quite attractive muscle from your dancing. You’re a sweet and genuine girl and you know just what to do in every situation. You’re the girl every guy, well, any straight guy, wants desperately. And I’m so sorry I’ve ruined that and led you to believe some false image.” Placing a finger beneath her chin, I lifted until her eyes bore into my own and saw the pain reflected from deep within.

It was like Niall all over again. Staring into her eyes, all I could see where flashes of that night and how awful I felt and how broken he was, even though he tried to hide it. It was too much to watch happen all over again with another person I loved.

“Look, Dani, I care about you; I really do. You’re the one who showed me how to deal with hate from the media and be strong. You were there for me even when you didn’t know why I needed you. You’re like a dream girl, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But I just can’t do this right now. I can’t watch you break, because it… well, it… it reminds me of watching him break, and I swore I’d never do that to anyone ever again. Oh Niall, my poor Nialler…” as I trailed off, I felt the tears building up until I was wracked with sobs for yet another time. Today was really a big sob-fest.

“I love you, Liam. I always have. I still want you near me, and I hate to see you like this, Li. But I can’t do this right now either. You just tore my heart and soul to pieces. I think you should go now,” she ended in a whisper.

My cries became louder as I realized she wasn’t going to be there for me, not this time. “I’m so sorry, Dani. Can you do just one more thing for me?” I asked.

“It depends. What is it?”

“Remember. Just like I told you before. Don’t forget that, please, whatever you do. I’ll miss you, Danielle,” I said truthfully, and she gave me a tiny nod before pointing to the door.

On my way out I glanced back and saw that she hadn’t moved. She was still curled up, protecting herself on the couch with her tea precariously balanced on the edge beside her. My tea sat on the table, untouched as the moment she handed it to me. Wiping my face on my sleeve, I looked around one last time before shutting the door behind me. It made a little clicking sound, and that was that.