Don't Look Back - A Niam Horayne Love Story

Chapter 15 - I Swear, I Love You

He looked surprised to see me. Demi was clinging to his side, though he looked uncomfortable under her grip and wasn’t exactly returning the embrace.

“Erm, hello Liam,” he smiled awkwardly.

I could see the pain behind his eyes, and the confusion. I could tell he still felt strongly for me but didn’t know how to act since I’d told him I didn’t want that anymore. I’d told him I only wanted that with Danielle. But there was something else that I failed to identify hidden deep inside those blue orbs.

As I watched him shift uncomfortably, I realized I’d been staring. “Can we talk?” I blurted out.

He glanced over at Demi. “Of course.”

“I meant alone, Ni.” He gasped as if he didn’t expect me to use any nicknames for him anymore.

“Okay. I’ll see you another time,” he went to push away from Demi, but the girl held him in place.

It was then, watching a girl we barely knew with her arms around Niall as if she owned him, that I was shocked into realization. No matter how hard I tried, I would always have feelings for the little Irish boy. He would forever be in my heart. He was my first love, and likely my only true love. I would forever feel the tug of possession and jealousy whenever he was close to somebody else, and I would always wish that person were I.

I loved Niall, and I was powerless over my emotions. I recalled everything I’d told Danielle and saw through all the lies I’d been telling since we had split up. I had told more lies to myself and the people around me in these last few weeks than I ever had when we were together, because the truth was that I would never forget him, and I would never get over our love. What we had was impossible to erase, and no time or distractions could change that.

I was about to start voicing my newfound opinions when I noticed that Demi had never left.

“So you’re choosing him over me, babe?” she pouted down at the boy wrapped in her arms.

It felt like the air had been sucked from my lungs. I could tell my face had gone completely pale and my hands were trembling. Babe. She had just called my Nialler by a nickname people only used when they were together.

The pieces began to rearrange themselves in my mind. I had told Niall there was no chance for us, and he had gone off on his own for over a week. He had known Demi from a time back during one of our United States ours, and the two talked all the time on Twitter and Skype. Of course, she would be the one he would go to when he was in pain.

How could I expect someone as perfect as Niall to wait for me? I was nothing. I was boring Liam Payne who he had to spend almost every day beside simply because we were in the same band. I was the boy who had broken his heart and the one who made him feel his lowest. Why should I have expected that I would come to my senses and everything would just pop back into place, like some kind of miracle?

Of course Niall had moved on. He was the spitting image of perfection, and he could have anyone he desired. I was sure of it. He deserved so much more than a heartbreaking idiot like me. I felt my eyes brim with tears.

I looked up at him to find that he had angrily pulled away from Demi, but I paid it no notice. I tried to smile at him, but it came out as more of a sad grimace. It was probably one of the most ugly expressions he had ever seen, but I couldn’t force myself to seem happy right then.

“I should’ve known,” I shook my head. His gaze snapped to me, and I could see the tears mirrored in his eyes. “You deserve more than I can give you, Niall. I’m glad you were able to move on. I hope you have fun.” Even to me, my voice sounded quite monotone and unconvincing. I knew I looked a mess at the moment, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.