Breathe.

4

Nafessa Williams

When we pulled up to my house, I hit the garage opener and pulled inside. Closing it after me, I got out as Toni followed. Opening the door, vanilla and cinnamon filled my senses. That's the scent my mother loved. The whole house always smelled like this unless she was cooking which was rare because of her work schedule.

"It smells so good in here." Toni mused from behind me.

Chuckling, I nodded as we both sat on the couch. "Yeah, my mom puts these candles on and next thing I know our home smells like cinnamon rolls and vanilla wafers."

Toni shook her head. "Sounds like you're complaining."

"No. Not complaining— okay maybe I am." I mumbled. "Sometimes I just wanna smell something tropical."

"I understand. My mom loves fruity candles so our house smells like a fruit basket."

We both laughed at her saying that.

"Man, I should have gotten something to eat." I spoke mainly to myself.

"There's no groceries?"

I looked at her weirdly. "In this house? No. Mom is always at the hospital doing something. So most times either I'm cooking or I'm going out to get something. Which is what I'm about to do right now. You hungry?"

"I don't have any money."

"I didn't ask you that. I asked were you hungry."

She shrugged. "No, not really."

"Girl you were in the restroom for lunch and I know for a fact you weren't eating in there. One because I didn't see you eating and two because that shit is disgusting." I called her out on it.

"Taking notes?" Toni asked me sheepishly.

"And keeping tabs." I added. "Now, wanna go get something or wanna order in?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Everything matters." I answered smartly.

She looked at me weirdly. "We can just go to a drive thru."

"What you craving?"

"It doesn't—." She saw the look I shot her and changed her answer. "Wendy's?"

I nodded as I stood back up. "Sounds good to me. Let's ride."

We headed back out the door and away from the house. Wendys was a good 10 minutes away from here so it was either listen to music or talk. Right when I was about to choose the first option, Toni spoke. "You know that Janet's going to make your life a living hell right?"

Side eyeing her, I chuckled. "Why we talking about her?"

"And Keith. Keith and Janet are just two people you don't want on your bad side."

"So care to explain why they are on yours?"

"I don't have a problem with them."

"So why do they have a problem with you?" I questioned as I drove.

Toni sighed. "A lot of people have a problem with me."

"Still not telling me why..."

"I watched my best friend get murdered and I didn't testify." She mumbled lowly.

My eyes widened because that was the last thing I expected. "So they don't like you because you didn't testify?"

"If I say this, please don't repeat it. I don't know why, but I haven't told anyone else. Not even the police."

"You can trust me, Toni."

"Kenneth was popular. Hell we all were. Me and Kenny and Janet singing together was magical. People at church swore that we could call the angels home." Toni seemed to get emotional. "So that night— that cop shot him. I went to hold his wound and the cop pointed his gun at me. My mother always told me to keep my hands on the dashboard. Do what they say and you don't get hurt. I watched him die and I didn't do anything."

She broke down and I pulled up to a red light and wiped her tears. "No. That's not true. You couldn't do anything. Not you didn't, but you couldn't. Why didn't you at least tell someone?"

"The stupid cop threatened me. Looking back on it, I still should have spoke. I should have did something. Kenny would have spoke for me but I didn't speak for him. The school found out that I was with him. For weeks, Janet and others begged me to speak but I never did. The case got dismissed and—."

"And you let the cop get away." I put the puzzle together. "They don't like you because you didn't speak up. Still wouldn't have mattered. Our system protects the same people that give it bad looks. Especially if the men in front of the camera is of color and the men behind the camera are colorless."

The light turned green and Toni asked. "You seem woke. You read up on cases and stuff?"

I glanced her way as I replied. "My dad was a Black Panther once. He was as woke as they come and he definitely instilled it in me."

"Really? Why'd he leave the Black Panthers?"

Shaking my head at the thought of it, my grip on the steering wheel tightened. "My father was killed by a police officer. I was in the car. They got into it, arrested my daddy that night and he never came home. Momma was in medical school at the time and she took it hard. She began living and breathing thru the medicine field. Till this day she still does. I can tell when she misses him most though, she'll spend a day at home with me and we will talk and she'll cook. That's the only time you'll catch her cooking, really..."

Toni placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Oh no. It's fine." I brushed it off. "It's really okay. I've dealt with it mostly. Sometimes I have nightmares about that night but it rarely happens unless I see a trigger object or something that reminds me of him. Other than that, I'm okay. What about you?"

"What do you mean?" She asked as I pulled into the driveway of the fast food restaurant.

"Have you truly dealt with it?" I asked her softly.

Toni shrugged. "I don't know. I guess not...."