Breathe.

20

Nafessa Williams

"So I'm leaving the meeting and I go to get on the elevator. I didn't notice it was her at first. She looks different. She's not the girl I met in high school anymore, at least not physically. Still, she speaks and I said hi and she gets all triggered by it and asks if that's all I have to say. Like what else is there to say?!" I rolled my eyes as I vented to Ryan. "It's bullshit Ry!"

Ryan sighed. "It's been 8 years Fes. I mean come on, running from it isn't going to help. She hurt you, and you haven't moved on—."

Scoffing, I disagreed. "Tuh. Bitch please. I've moved on."

My best friend sent me a look. "After she moved, and she didn't talk to you, you disappeared on us for two weeks. Came back and acted like everything was alright and like you had never heard of her let alone met her. You never truly dealt with it. So I think you're full of crap right now because you need to talk to that girl. This isn't high school and you deserve your answers. She ghosted you, not the other way around."

"Then she had a kid on her hip." I changed topic because I didn't want to admit that Ryan had a point.

"Hers?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. Now that I'm thinking back on it, it's a great possibility because the kid looked just like her." I replied as I replayed the scene.

Ryan took a breath as she got up and walked towards my kitchen. "Whew. Let me get us some wine."

"Please fill mines to the top because I can't take this. Seeing her hit me like a freight train and I don't want to go on that ride anymore. Times like this, I wish my mom was around."

"You know she's around."

"Yeah but not for me."

My answer caused Ry to send me a look as she opened the bottle. "Your mom misses you. It was a fight—."

"And she took shit too far. Who the fuck says that shit?"

"She crossed a line but Fes, you keep running from all this trauma. Your mom wants you to talk to her, she texts me almost everyday making sure you're okay."

"Block her." I suggested.

"Make me throw this wine at you." My best friend threatened. "I'm not blocking my second mother."

"You blocked Zendaya."

"Girl. That was also years ago. Let that go."

"Just saying." I mumbled. "If I should talk to Toni, you should talk to Zendaya."

"No. You're just changing topic. We were talking about Toni. Come on, it's worth a conversation at least. You all had good times."

"Toni, quit playing!" I yelled as she chased me around my house with a water gun.

"Nope! Shouldn't have put toothpaste in my Oreos!" She yelled back as I ran into my living room. "Say sorry!"

"Nah Slime, I'm good!" I looked back at her as I ran and suddenly I tripped over her shoes and landed on my sofa. She stood over me with the water gun pointed at my hair. "Okay! Okay! I give. I'm sorry baby. I just flat ironed it! Chillllll."

"Mhm. Better be glad I love you." She raised a eyebrow as I smirked softly.

"Aww baby, I love you too. Them Oreos was for your breath in the AM though."

"Oh. She has jokes I see." She grabbed me by my shirt and poured the water from the gun in it.

I yelped from its coldness as she took off running. "Toni Michelle! I'm about to get you!"

My eyes glossed over as I sat down. "She didn't even try to work for it Ry. I gave it my all, even after she left. I sent countless letters and texts and calls. They all went ignored. She acted like she didn't even care. Then she sent that bullshit ass letter that said she didn't want to be together anymore and that it meant nothing. I meant nothing. How could she just give up like that? Use me... like that?"

Tears fell and I wiped them as they did. Ryan came and sat the wine glasses down on my glass coffee table before wrapping her arms around me. "I don't know best friend, but what I do know is that you didn't deserve it. You gave her your everything. You were always truthful and you always supported her. So go talk to her. I'm pretty sure she will give you your answers. Just ask."

"I don't know Ryan. I don't want to seem eager. I damn sure don't want to fall back in the trap. I've spent eight years evolving into the woman I am today and one look at her sent me back all the way to grade school."

"You know, our click is one to miss. Sometimes I find myself looking at old pictures of us together. Or noticing something and it reminding me of us. It's okay to get the flashbacks and yearn to relive it— we probably can one day, but just not the same way. We're all different people now. We've grown up and matured. Text the woman or something. She hurt you, so I'm not her biggest fan, but I'm all for whatever will make you alright."

Sighing, I nodded as I grabbed my phone off the counter and went and sat back down. Grabbing the card from the coffee table, I hesitated. "Maybe I shouldn't."

"Girl. Text that woman!" Ryan yelled as she stood and drunk the rest of her wine. "I have a date with my hubby but I'll be back tonight to see what the outcome of it was. It better not be something dumb either. I'm serious. Ask the damn woman."

She headed for the door and I followed her to lock the door behind her. "I'll text her. Geez and tell Keith I said hello."

When she opened the door both of our eyes widened when we came face to face with Toni.

Ryan spoke softly. "Well shit, I see what you mean about physically."

Toni smiled. "Ryan? Whoa girl. Long time no see."

My best friend smiled back as they hugged. "Hey Toni. It has been a long time. What have you been up to?"

"Nothing much. Nothing much. Focusing on my music."

"And your daughter?" Ryan asked and I popped her in the back of her head. She hissed. "Ow. Shit. I was just asking."

Toni chuckled. "Yes and my daughter."

Oh. So that was her daughter. Well that solves that mystery.

"Toni, what are you doing here?"

She sighed softly. "I was actually hoping we could talk alone, just the two of us..."

I made a face that signaled I was about to say no, but Ryan answered for me. "Actually, I was heading out and she doesn't have anything to do right now because she can study the lines that she already memorized tomorrow. So you two talk, goodnight. Have fun. I love you bestie. Mwah." She blew me kisses before swapping places with Toni.

Ouuu, I was gonna kick her ass when I saw her. I swear to God. Toni walked into my apartment and closed the door behind her. I couldn't help the smart remark that left my lips. "I'm sorry, who told you that you could come into my apartment that actually pays a bill here, because Ryan surely doesn't. And how do you know where I live?"