Breathe.

15

Toni Braxton

"No! No! No! Wait!" A gunshot went off that sent me rigid again. He was dying again. I was letting him die again. Kenny was dying again.

My head went up as I screamed loudly. It pierced my ears harshly and sent my heart shattering into million of pieces. I shook as I tried to grab on to him and hold him. I couldn't. I couldn't catch him as he fell.

"Lift every voice and sing..." The angels sung so softly that I thought it would be soothing until they became unbearable in volume. "Lift every voice and sing!"

Hands over my ears, I begged for the song to stop. "Stop it! Leave me alone! Please! Stop singing!"

Instead of waking up from the screaming, I was pushed back into another back seat. Different car, same space. Different car. Damn it! Same space! My arms stretched out to try and open the door handle but I stopped when I saw what I saw.

I can't watch this again. I can't sit here again. Watching as Keith went to open the door, I yelled. "No! Keith no! Just stay in the car."

Keith turned and looked at me as Ronnie got shot. "That's why you're here you know. You never wanted to stand up for yourself or for Kenny. That's why he's dead. That's why he can't rest. You never gave him a chance to."

My head shook. "That's not true."

"You don't know what's true Toni! You never gave us the chance to rest!" Ronnie's voice yelled out to me.

"It isn't my fault!"

"Well whose is it?" Keith asked as he got out of the vehicle we were in and I watched from the window. It played out slower-- more painful this time. His body hit the car door after the gunshot entered him. My scream was so loud that the windows of the car shattered.

"Toni!" Kenny's voice.

My hands covered my ears as I continued screaming. "Leave me alone!"

"Toni!" Ronnie's voice.

"Stop it!" I cried out.

"Toni!" The voice began to get sharper in tone.

"Babe!"

Something was shaking me and before I knew it, I shot awake. My eyes were wide as my chest was puffing in and out quickly. I looked at Nafessa who was sending me a worried glance. "I'm fine."

"That's your fifth nightmare this week babe, you aren't fine. Look, maybe we should just go back to my house and--."

"No Fessa, I have to be here. I- I couldn't go to Kenny's because of obvious reasons but I need to be here."

This protest was something serious. Everyone who was important was going to speak today once we made it to the school distract. We were going to march two blocks and when Ryan asked me to speak after Keith— I didn't feel like I  could decline.

She nodded and mumbled. "If you say so. Come on. People are already rallying." Fessa moved back and held her hand out to help me out the car. People were holding their signs and I grabbed ours out the backseat. Suddenly, chants began as students from the school, members from the community and Ronnie and Keith's parents led the march off.

Sirens were heard in the distance and I knew so well that this wasn't going to go over so well. Nafessa spoke to me as we walked over to the crowd. "No matter what happens, I am proud of you. I'm proud of you for even finding the strength to come. So weather you speak or not— I'm glad you're here. Forget what everyone will think or say, because you are the bravest person I know. Okay?"