Breathe.

22

Janila Williams

"Did you know?" Someone asked as they entered my office at the hospital and closed the door behind them. I was charting but quickly looked up to see my daughter.

"Hey Fessa!"

We hadn't been talking, not for a few months. We'd argued and were both too stubborn to say sorry. So that's where we stood at the moment, seeing her still lit my day up but something was bothering her, I could tell. "Mom... I need you to be honest with me."

"Of course. Honest about what?"

"Did you know that Toni's parents wrote me that letter and not Toni?"

I took in a breath. "Fessa, have a seat."

"No. No! Hell no. Did you know?"

Slowly, I nodded. "I did."

Tears clouded her vision. "How could you? You're my mom and you let my heart break. How could you? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's complicated Fes."

"I'm a grown woman now, so explain the complication. Enlighten me because I'm confused as to why you would do this to your own daughter. I need to know mom, what happened that day?"

I thought back to years ago, the exact day I had went to war for my daughter against Evelyn. That woman was as stubborn as a mule— that's why we were best friends for so long but I knew that certain issue was going to stop our friendship in its tracks soon.

"You knew that our daughters were dating! You are a damn disgrace! Your daughter turned my daughter into some damn dyke."

My face furrowed heavily at her disrespecting me in my face. "Evelyn, your daughter is who she is. If she wants to be gay, then so be it. You should look up what a dyke is because your child is far from it. Forcing her to break up with Nafessa ain't gone do shit but piss her off more. Just let them be happy."

Evelyn scoffed. "I'm sending my child over here thinking she's safe and protected. Little did I know, the lesbian demons had their hold on her. Nafessa needs help and if you don't get it for her, that's your damn business but Toni's my child and she will not be gay living in my household. I won't have it."

"Why does it bother you so damn much? They're kids! They're in love! Who knows what may happen in the future!" I raised my voice because she was making me upset.

"Kids shouldn't be making grown up decisions! Don't you worry— your daughter will never see my daughter again. Cut all communication off. Make sure you give your daughter this." She slapped a piece of mail in my hand as she turned to walk away.

I followed her to her car. "It's going to come back and haunt you one day. One day you're going to have sleepless nights for breaking these girls up like you're doing. Moving won't change the fact of what is and what isn't. They're gay Evelyn! Get over it."

She opened the door and I saw Toni sitting in the passenger seat. "Don't you worry your little heart about my night Janila. We're moving, so I'll make sure they never see each other again."

Evelyn wanted to shut the door but I leaned in her car to look at Toni. She was crying hard, eyes red and shaking. I knew she'd probably had a panic attack and was on her way to another one. I spoke to her. "Toni, no matter the distance, know that you can call us. I'm sorry this is happening but my child loves you and if she was here right now she wouldn't be allowing this to happen like it is. You and I both know this. You will always be my daughter in law, you hear me? Always. No matter what. I love you."

Toni sniffled before replying. "I love you too Momma J. Tell Nafessa—."

Evelyn reached over like she was about to hit her, causing Toni to flinch hard and stop talking. "Shut your filthy mouth! You don't talk about that girl with me in front of you! Have some respect for your mother!" She turned back to me.  "Back away from my car or so help me God, I'll run over you myself."

I blinked back some tears as I shook my head. "Evelyn, let's just talk about this. Please."

It wasn't that I didn't want them to go, it was about the time that Nafessa would be pulling up from school and I wasn't going to let my daughter miss out on her goodbyes. I wouldn't be able to live right knowing that I didn't at least try.

"There's nothing to talk—." Evelyn was cut off by Toni opening her door and running to Nafessa's car that was coming down the road. "Toni Michelle!"

I stepped back and shut Evelyn's door, causing her to put down the window. "Love is love, Evelyn. I'm sorry, but my daughter is going to say goodbye to the love of her life and it's not much that you can do about it."

"That's my daughter—."

"That's 18." I finished for her.

I watched as Nafessa hopped out of the car in the middle of the road and grabbed ahold of Toni. My daughter didn't cry, but I knew she wanted to. Evelyn and I watched silently before she mumbled. "If it's meant, they'll come back together."

"Why're you doing this? Huh? Why do this now?"

For the first time ever, my friend looked at me with sadness in her eyes. "You know that man isn't giving me any other choice, Janila. I'm sorry." She honked the horn causing the girls to jump apart.

Nodding, I mumbled. "I'll be praying for you. You keep her safe, you hear me? Keep my baby safe. She's a sweet kid, and I love her like she's my own. So keep her safe."

Evelyn put the window up as Toni came walking back to the car but made a v-line and crashed into my arms. I held her as she spoke. "Thank you for everything Mama J. I love you more than you'll ever know. I'm going to miss you."

"I love you more sweetheart. I'm going to miss your laughter around here. You know you'll always be my daughter." I squeezed her tight before letting her go.

She was crying harder than ever when she waved to both of us as she made her way to the car. "I-I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault love." I assured her. "We will see you soon."

Toni nodded as she looked at Nafessa. "You promise?"

Nafessa was quick to nod back. "I promise, Toni. I love you forever."

"To the moon and back." Toni called back out as they made their hand gesture they'd made up.

Slowly, Toni got in the car and Evelyn didn't spare us a glance as she drove off. Nafessa looked at me and I saw my daughter break. She got into her car and pulled into the driveway. When she got out, she walked over to me and whispered. "Why? Why's she doing this to us? Why does she hate me so much that she's taking Toni away? Momma why?"

Her voice cracked as the tears began to fall and I grabbed my daughter and held her tightly. She broke down in my arms and tears of my own began to fall. "I don't know my baby, but she'll reap it. She's gonna realize that she can't stop love."