Blowing Smoke (Harry Styles)

Chapter 84

Harry’s POV:

I felt very reluctant to leave Monreau in that hospital with those dark circles under her eyes and pale skin, but I had to leave for my job. Monreau was very sweet and touchy earlier, which was quite surprising. I loved the fact that she still loved me so much, even after all that had happened to us. I loved her with everything I had, but I had grown to worry that she didn’t feel quite the same as before. It was blissful to know that she felt the same way. Our love was undying and nothing would stop us.

I hardly slept a second the night before the big infiltration because I was thinking way too hard about what was going to happen. Could Monreau be right? What if something went wrong? But there is constantly that worry in life. I doubted that anything would go wrong, but there was always that possibility.

I was dressed, showered and smelling great by five in the morning. I sat at the edge of the bed with my hands clasped between my knees. I knew Monreau was disappointed in me. She hated the fact that I agreed to do the infiltration despite the fact she specifically told me not to. I hated the idea of her hatred baring far too much weight on my shoulders. I needed to know that she didn’t hate me.

I sent her a quick text, asking if she hated me for agreeing to do the infiltration. When she didn’t respond remotely right away, I got up to get myself some breakfast. I poured myself a glass of milk and made toast, spreading peanut butter across the surface of the golden toast. The colouring of the peanut butter reminded me instantly of the colour of Monreau’s hair.

God, why couldn’t I get her off my mind? I was so whipped. I did everything she told me and did everything for her. I only thought of her. I used to fantasize about other women, famous or not, but now she is the only one I see in my mind. She is, undeniably, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, so why shouldn’t I dream about her? I was so crazily in love with her. I was nearly certain that no one had ever been in love as much as we were. Our love was different. Our love was magic.

I ate my toast and milk, just listening to the silence in the house. It was weird living without Monreau and waking up without her, but it would be something I would just have to get used to. She lived in the hospital now and probably would for a long time.

When my glass of milk was emptied and the plate was cleared, I sat in the living room, just staring out the window. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but the sky was lightening up for it to do so. The snow was falling lightly and slowly, as if time was going much slower than usual. Without Monreau, time was slow and with her, time was way too fast. I wondered if she was thinking about me just as much as I was about her.

At seven, everyone was starting to get up and file down to the kitchen, filling their stomachs with cheap food from our fridge. I sat by myself, staring at my blank screen on my phone, waiting for her to text me back. But she didn’t. Why?

“Harry, you excited?” Nick asked, walking into the living room.

I sighed. “Yeah.” I lied.

“I know, me too!” Nick cheered excitedly.

I attempted to show that I was much less than excited, but he never picked up on it. I was frightened at what Monreau was thinking of me. Did she hate me? Was she thinking about breaking up with me? Oh God, I couldn’t handle being away from her, I just couldn’t do it.

“Harry! Let’s go!” Louis shouted to me.

I sighed, running my palms over my face. This was it.

Andy and Louis waited for me by the front door, looking like two kids on Christmas morning. I, however, showed my displeasure to them.

“Got the wires.” Jarred announced proudly, walking into the room. He involuntarily lifted up my shirt and taped the microphone to my chest. “There. So just do say anything stupid and don’t let them know you have one on.”