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is it just me who finds it really awkward when they click on books just to find out they've got the exact same formatting..... like.... lol
anyway!!!
sorry for not updating, it's hectic as hell as the minute and i don't think it'll be slowing down anytime soon aaaa
I haven't grammar checked this so forgive me if there's any mistakes and I'm sorry this is so short but the way I've structured the chapters means I can't add any in without spoiling the next chapter aaaa
thank u for reading and enjoy x
& thank u for 6k!!!! love u all x
word count; 1467
Rosamund
I entered deep mourning. My son was buried in the graveyard in Winchester. Beocca said prayers for him and Edward asked for sermons to be said but I found no comfort in that. I was a changed woman.
I did not leave my rooms for the grief. I merely sat and watched by the window, as I had done in my youth, the bustling life of Winchester. Once more, I envied their ignorance. I was, retrospectively, border-lining on catatonic. I could hear all that went on around me but I found myself paralysed by grief. I merely stared out the window for hours.
"Rosamund, please,"
Finan would kneel by me and take my hands, pleading with me to come back to him but it was inconsequential. I was gone. Merely a body, my soul and consciousness at lacking and thereof my mind, gone.
"Rosamund, please." He repeated. But his words were lost to me in an abyss of pure ignorance. I did not register them. I did not listen to them. I did not. I would not.
Addela would take me to the throne room for hope of it waking me but it did not. I was on Edward's left but I did not speak. He would turn to me every so often during a Witan and make some cheeky comment to make me laugh but I would just give him a short smile before returning to my thoughts. I didn't want to speak with him nor anyone else. All I wanted was my baby, my Aethelwulf. But he was gone. Taken from me not a week after his birth and buried deep in the cold, hard ground. I shivered to think of him in such a way.
Aelwyd, too, felt bereaved. We shared grief for little Aethelwulf, though they were of starkly different origins. I had lost my son but she had lost her brother once more. She felt that the loss of Aethelwulf reaffirmed the loss of Owain and it hit her like a horse; she was too young for such grief. It seemed God was putting us through trials that would never end.
I would listen as Aelwyd wept over her brother. There was little I could do to comfort her, to reassure her. She was, with the death of Aethelwulf, the heir to her brother's defunct throne but his disappearance cast doubt over it. I didn't wish for her to assume that role as she was young, inexperienced and naive but others felt differently. I, nonetheless, reasserted that if Owain was alive, proclaiming Aelwyd Queen was blasphemy, and we all knew the penalty that the Church would enforce for such a crime.
There was one-night Addela took me to the chapel and allowed me to be alone for prayers. She returned to my chambers and I moved my weak limbs down, kneeling down by the altar.
"Why did you do this to me, Lord?" I whispered, my voice cracking from lack of use. It was hoarse and not at all the familiar, soft voice I usually heard exit my mouth. "Why would you take him from me?"
I must have fallen asleep, lying by the altar. I woke in an unfamiliar bed to a familiar man.
I opened my eyes to see the Irishman holding me like I was a doll. He seemed like a scared child. All Finan wanted to do was protect me from my grief and he could not do so. I knew this angered him. I could see it in his eyes.
"I am sorry for your pains, Finan." I croaked. My voice was hoarse from lack of use. "It is not my intention to affect you in such a negative way."
"Tha's what love does to ya'." He said softly, holding me in such a manner that I could've stayed there for all eternity.
"After all this time?" I asked, glancing up at him. "You still feel that way?"
"I will always feel that way."
I'd been a fool to think he wouldn't, that he would lose his love of me over time. Men were peculiar, that way. But he did. He loved me. But, alas, not even Finan's love could save me from my sorrows.
Nonetheless, Edward had agreed to send a few men to Gwynedd to look for him after the forthcoming battle; the recent Danish defeat had made him all the more empowered, in both the eyes of his Witan and his self-belief. It was, therefore, ironic that the men he chose were not particularly friends of Owain. Though I failed to argue with him and dispute who he had chosen; in the eyes of many, such an act would be seen as against my husband and only reinforce the rumours of my dalliance with Finan.
"There is some irony," Addela commented. Her eyes were fixated on me for a response but I lacked it. Finan had not been told and, in truth, I did not have the energy to tell him. Edward had decreed that he would call Uhtred and his men to the throne room to tell them of his request, or command, and Finan deserved to be told earlier. But I hadn't. I didn't. I couldn't. I was too tired, too exhausted from all the grief, and barely able to function. I did not eat, I did not sleep, I just sat there like some catatonic fool. All this for a child that would never return to me.
And so, when I went to the throne room for Edward's decree, I found my eyes utterly stuck to Finan. I could not listen to anyone speak until Edward entered the room, taking my hand like a man and pulling me up to my seat. It seemed I was to be given a place of precedence — though I knew not why. He sat and Aelflaed and I did the same, sitting by Edward in a manner that let all know precisely whose side the King was on.
"As King, I feel that it is the responsibility of Wessex to care for our neighbours," Edward began. He glanced at Uhtred, "I am therefore sending some of our best men to search for the King of Gwynedd. I realise this is an unconventional move but if we do not ensure the prosperity of our neighbours, then how is Wessex to prosper?"
Uhtred stepped forward and Edward nodded. "I will lead the men," He announced. It was clear this had been pre-discussed.
"Who are you to take with you?" I asked Uhtred, but I did not look at him. My eyes were, once more, fixated on Finan. I knew what was coming and I knew precisely the reaction Finan would have.
"My men, lady, Steapa and some men of Wessex."
Finan's jaw twitched as Uhtred spoke and it was clear enough what emotion he was feeling. Anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. To go searching for my husband was to return me to him. To place me back into the care of a coward. And Finan didn't want that. Finan wanted me all to himself, all his and no other man's.
We had been fools to think it would continue. We had enjoyed little peace together before Aethelwulf's death but it was clear it would not last. Alas, it could not last.
"I won't leave ya'." Finan spoke to me with a pleading voice. We were huddled in the corner of the throne room like two young lovers at a feast — though we lacked the positivity of such an occasion. "Not now. Not while yer' so deep in loss and pain."
"You must," I whispered. A singular tear rolled down my cheek; I did not wish him to go. But he had to. He had to serve Uhtred and keep his oath, no matter the cost.
"I won't."
"You will," I whispered again, nodding. "And you will return, to me, my husband. And once more, I will be Queen," I met his eyes. "And thus, lost to you once more."
