All Because Of You (Manthony)

•Chapter 18•

Christian's POV

While I laid in bed watching the sun come up, my head wouldn't shut up about all the things that were going on in my life. Not long ago Mitchel and I were normal friends who acted like idiots every day. I felt lost with all the new things that were happening. I couldn't decide if it was what I really wanted. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Alexa popped into my mind and I close my eyes harder. I cover my face with my hands and do my best to remove her from my thoughts but it was harder than it sounded. I couldn't accumulate the past few weeks without missing something. I kept repeating the same events in my head and I didn't like how they played out. 

"Please get out of my head." I whisper to myself. I open my eyes again and look outside my window again. A bird flew by and a small smile appeares on my face. My relationship with Mitchel was going great but I kept fighting with myself every day. I had never been involved in a relationship like this and even though it was almost the same as dating a girl, it still didn't feel right. I grab my phone and scroll around on Instagram for a bit. I click on my tagged photos and videos and tons of pictures of Mitchel and I appear. I scroll through them and read the captions. They all had the same similar wording. Our fans were catching on to Mitchel and I being together and it had only been a week. I don't think that's what either of us wanted just yet. I sigh and throw my phone on my bed. I sit up and my eye catches the picture of Alexa and I that was next to the picture of Mitchel and I. I missed Alexa. A part of me loved her; she was a great girl with a great heart and I couldn't express how happy she made me. I lost her in what felt like a matter of seconds. I knew I had made those decisions on my own but maybe I shouldn't have. I regretted acting so quickly and not thinking about what I was doing and who it would affect. I couldn't change any of it now, nor did I expect her to forgive me for my actions. I hear a knock on my door and I get up to answer it. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone but I didn't want to take it out on innocent people. I open the door to see Mitchel sanding there. I gesture for him to come in and he does. I sit back down on my bed and he does too.

"Are you okay?" I nod my head and look down at my carpet. I didn't want to express my doubts to Mitchel because I knew it wouldn't be fair and that would only lead to problems neither of us needed. He nods his head and we sit in silence. I could hear someone messing around in the kitchen and my mood lightens a little. I was always really hungry in the morning, maybe more than other people.

"Are you hungry?" I ask. Mitchel shrugs and I rest my hand on his knee.
I think about what I want to say but nothing pops into my head. I knew we were both taking risks and I knew Mitchel was more dedicated than I was which made me scared. He let his guard down and trusted me. He didn't do that with many people, even if I was his best friend. As much as I wanted to as well I couldn't do it all the way. I knew that wasn't fair. I wasn't sure if I wanted to fall in love with him the way he claimed to have fallen in love with me. I feel him rest his hand on mine and he plays with my fingers. I couldn't lie and say I didn't feel comfort around Mitchel in a different way than before, because I did. His soft lips against mine made me happy but maybe that was all it was.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I hear him ask. I snap out of my thoughts and nod my head.

"Yeah. I'm tired. I didn't sleep well." He makes an 'oh' face and nods his head. I let go of his hand and stand up. I feel his eyes trace me up and down as I walk to my closet to find a shirt to put on before getting my cup of well deserved coffee. I throw a T-shirt on and we both walk to the kitchen. I saw Jesse and Clinton talking about something but I couldn't make out what it was.

"Morning" I mumble. Jesse raises his eyebrow and I could see Mitchel shrug out of the corner of my eye. I grab a mug and pour my coffee. I was hoping it would give me energy and distract me from how I was feeling. I cross my arms and lean against the counter as I wait for the beep from the microwave signaling that my coffee was done.