Desperate for Love - Harry Styles

Chapter 11

WARNING: This changes P.O.V a lot in this chapter due to it being an informational thing. P.O.V Listed: Essie, Harry, and Lo! Lo is a new P.O.V I never did before just a forewarning guys . Enjoy xx

Chapter 11:

One week later; (a week before the flight back)

I don’t feel the same; my stomach hurting and turning from some odd experience that I have not yet known of what that was. I felt like my friends were drifting apart more and more than I ever expected. It seems as if they are just friends; rather than sisters and I have a feeling that it’s from me being more quiet and out of conversations.

I was diagnosed with depression the other day by the doctor, as oddly as that sounds I’m kind of happy they found a reason behind me being upset for days on end, but I do have to take a pill dosage of two times a day and I can’t stand pills one bit and knowing that I have to take it two times a day sickens me.

I’ve been lying in bed for ages, not getting up unless I need to use the restroom or if I’m really hungry. I lost about twenty pounds due to not eating and my doctor said that was a reason behind my depression from starvation yet I don’t purposely starve myself; I’m just too lazy to do anything anymore, always tired.

I’m leaving in about one week back to the states and I haven’t been talking to anybody since I visited my brother at his grave. I practically isolated myself from everyone and everything. Harry and I still haven’t talked and it still hurts me knowing he’s in love with me and I ignore his presence. I would have to admit I feel bad but I just don’t think I could do it knowing I hurt myself even more if I talk to him because all the old memories roll back in my mind like a movie. I couldn’t do it.

Harry’s Point of View

I’ve been upset recently, and that’s because of Essie, shocking right. The boys noticed that I don’t talk as much as I used to and I think it’s because I’m normally the cheeky feller who is always talking to different people and flirting with different girls; yet now I don’t even talk to girls because I know Essie is the only one for me; and I’m going to accept the fact sooner or later that she doesn’t want me.

That day I told her I loved her; she told me she would call me back. Every single day; every hour, every minute, if my phone goes off my heart stops thinking its Essie calling me back telling me she loves me too, but I just know that won’t happen. I think that she’s going to show up at the front door like one of those sappy love story movies telling me she loves me too and we kiss like we never kissed before.

I sit here wondering if she will ever love me too; but I know she won’t.

I’ve been with my mom the last few days and out of the apartment with the boys to keep myself together maybe calming myself. My mother gives me all the love she can to fill the void I have in me; she tries her best but I’m hurting her feelings like mine are hurt.

I always look at my phone, and start to send a message to Essie but I always chicken out before I hit send. My eyes are always red and puffy from crying, and all the concerts I’ve been doing with the boys for our tour; it just isn’t the same.

I thought my life would be perfect, get any girl I want and have all the clothes I want and get anything I ever wanted because of One Direction, but yet again; it’s not.

The girl I want doesn’t want me.

She doesn’t love me.

Lo’s Point of View

“Sam,” I whispered to her from the guest room where she was on the computer. She looked over and then proceeded to walk towards my room and closed the door behind her.

“What?” she asked as she sat on my pink plush bed.

“Has she changed at all?” I asked as I sat next to her.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Is she talking?” Sam looked down at her knees and bit her lip.

“Not at all, I’m really worried,” Sam said as she looked back up at me. I hugged her and rubbed my palms in circles on her back trying to comfort her.

“She will get better, trust me,” I tell her. We then unlatched from the hug and then she put out a small smirk.

“Do you think she loves him?” she asked me, and I questioned myself. Maybe she does love Harry; but I would never know because she never told me.

“Maybe,”

Essie’s Point of View

Sam just left the room and went into Lolo’s making me wonder what they’re talking about; my mind pondering with ideas; wondering if they’re about me. But yet again, I don’t think it is because I’m nothing important to them, I’m just a roommate for the summer; nothing more.

My mother is still worried about me though; knowing I’m diagnosed with second level depression; and I’m not talking to her. I feel bad but she never came to me first, and I’m definitely not going to her before she comes to me.

I’ve been feeling hungry for the past two days and the last time I had ate anything it was probably four days ago, and it was only a bagel with some grape jam on it.  I don’t know what I want to do anymore but things are getting thrown in all different directions and such and ugh.

“Hey Essie?” Sam said quietly as she walked through the door from Lo’s room with a worried look plastered on her face. I looked at her with a blank expression not sharing any feelings. She walked over to the bed I was lying on and sat on the side, looking at me desperately.

“What,” I said coldly.

“I miss you,” she hums out of her mouth leaving me to turn on my side; back facing her.

“Then look like you do,” I tell her. I can feel her weight lift off from the bed and her exiting the room. Honestly, I don’t feel like really talking to anyone about anything; and personally I believe that they shouldn’t talk to me knowing I’m either one, not going to respond or two, not going to give to shits what they do.

Harry’s Point of View

I think I finally had the gut to do it; I had the gut and these urge to text her and this time I’m going to send it. I scattered around my side table to find my phone, and once I did I pulled up a new message and put in Essie’s number.

Essie I love you-

No, no, no. I erased the message and started again.

Essie you’re everything I ever wanted in a girl and I mean everything. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hair, and the way you bite your lip when you’re about to laugh hard, the way your nose crinkles when you smile or the way your hands shake when we kissed. You’re everything Essie, and I love you and I won’t ever stop.

I struggled to hit the send button knowing it’s out there for good. If I called her she wouldn’t pick it up but I know if I text her she’s going to have to look at it sooner or later. I just don’t want to look like an idiot.

Thinking about it longer, without hesitation I clicked the send button and I immediately smiled.

Essie’s Point of View

My phone vibrated and I reached over and noticed I had a text message from Harry. His contact was now simple now due to you know; not talking and such. I opened up the message and my eyes widen.

Harry: Essie you’re everything I ever wanted in a girl and I mean everything. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hair, and the way you bite your lip when you’re about to laugh hard, the way your nose crinkles when you smile or the way your hands shake when we kissed. You’re everything Essie, and I love you and I won’t ever stop.

I just smiled; and I haven’t smiled in two weeks.

Okay so this chapter is short but i'm going to update like really fast but i wanted to leave kind of a cliff hanger for this. this is starting to get juicey !