Curious // Billie Eilish

Chapter 10

Billie's POV

"Alright, nerd. FaceTime me tonight?"

"Definitely."

As soon as I shut the door behind Callie I lean against it and let out a deep breath, running my hand through my hair anxiously.

I played it cool while she was here but, fuck, I'm freaking out.

She has feelings for me? Real feelings? I genuinely didn't know, and I feel fucking awful.

For a month I've been using her to have some fun and experiment a bit, and the whole time she's had real feelings for me. Even though I didn't know, I still feel like a massive asshole.

I physically cringe when my mind flashes back to all the times I talked about the guys I hook up with in front of her. She'd always change the subject, and I just brushed it off as her being squeamish about sex.

I'm an idiot.

"What's wrong, Bil?" Finneas as he walks out of the kitchen, looking at me with a slightly concerned expression.

"Nothing," I mumble and push off the door, shaking my head.

I try to walk to my room but he blocks my path, giving me one of those 'yeah fucking right' looks.

"It's seriously nothing, Fin."

Normally, Finneas would be the person I'd turn to in a situation like this, but I just can't. I'm not ready to open this box myself, let alone with him.

"It's obviously not nothing, Billie. Talk to me."

I sigh, trying not to get angry and defensive. He's just being a good brother, I shouldn't snap. "I'll rephrase, it's nothing I'm ready to talk about right now."

He nods slightly and gives me a small smile. "You know I'm here when you're ready, yeah?"

"Yeah," I give him a small smile and he lets me pass, allowing me to walk back to my room and slump down onto my bed.

I stare up at the ceiling and think about what happened with Callie, my mind racing a mile a minute.

As soon as the words 'because I fucking like you' left her mouth, I experienced a whole damn smoothie of emotions, but four stuck out more than the others; shock, relief, happiness and then denial.

I was shocked that she had real feelings for me. I always thought this was just a casual thing to her, that it didn't mean anything except some fun. I always thought she was into Lauren more than she's into me, and that at some point she'd end things to be more serious with her.

I was relieved that I was wrong, and that this meant more to her than I thought. It was validating to know that she probably gets butterflies when we're together too.

I was so fucking happy she felt something for me beyond friendship, and that she probably feels sparks when we kiss the way I do. I was happy that someone amazing as her feels the way she does about me.

Then came the denial; my brain trying to convince myself I didn't just think all those things, and all this thing with Callie was to me was an experiment. That ended up overtaking everything else, and I couldn't let Callie see how I really felt about her confession. I had to act like it was nothing to me.