Curious // Billie Eilish

Chapter 17

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Billie's POV

I wake up feeling like shit for a variety of reasons. Firstly, I'm hungover as fuck. I drank way too much last night, especially after Callie left.

God, Callie.

There's the second reason I feel like shit.

Watching her leave mad at me made my heart ache. I'm such an idiot, I should've gone with her. I should've chimed in when my friends were being assholes. I should've backed her up.

I was just so scared about people getting suspicious of me, especially after that bullshit TMZ article. I know I'm overly paranoid, but I can't help it. It's a product of having a magnifying glass on me at all times, and I fucking hate it. Yet another downside of fame they don't write about in your contract.

There's a soft knock at my door and I sit up slightly.

"Come in."

The door opens and Finneas pokes his head in, smiling slightly when he sees me.

"Hey, Bil. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"I figured," he chuckles and comes into my room, holding some water and a bottle of painkillers. "I heard you stumble in drunk last night, you're lucky only I heard it."

"Thanks," I say quietly and take the pills from him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I can't pretend I didn't get wasted when I was your age. All I ask is that you keep yourself safe."

I swallow two of the pills then finish the rest of the water while Fin sits down on the edge of my bed.

"Where's Callie?" he asks and looks around as if she'll materialize out of thin air now that he's looking.

The plan was for her to sleepover after the party, which she does every time we go out together. I hate sleeping without her already, but it's especially terrible when I know she's not in my arms because I fucked up and let her down.

"She went home early," I say quietly and look down at my lap, feeling even worse when I start thinking about Callie again.

I can feel him eyeing me. "Did you guys get in a fight or something?" he asks, obviously picking up on the fact that talking about Callie makes me upset.

"Kinda," I reply and sigh.

"Kinda?"

"It's complicated," I say and lean back on my pillows again.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I turn my head to see him looking at me with a genuine sense of sincerity in his eyes. Of course I know that, he's Fin. I tell him everything, including things I have quite literally never told anyone else. Except about Callie. I don't know why it's so hard to tell him about what's been going on.

I never thought of coming out as something that would be easy for people, obviously, but I used to think that if I ever realized I wasn't straight it would be easy to tell my family because I know they would accept me.

I didn't realize until it was actually a reality for me that it goes beyond fearing not being accepted. I think I'm just terrified that things are going to change, even if it's not in a necessarily bad way. I don't want them to see me or treat me differently, I'm still the same Billie. I don't want it to be some big deal, you know? Especially when I'm still figuring things out.

But I think it's time.

I take in a deep breath then exhale shakily.

"Fin, I'm dating Callie," I start while fiddling with my fingers anxiously. "Like, for real. Like...romantic, exclusive dating. Not just casual sex. Although we do have sex. It's really great actua-," I start rambling nervously and he scrunches his nose, waving his hand to cut me off.