Endless

Confusion

SAGE'S POV

I arrived home after work, dropping my bag beside the door. "Ben? Leo?" It was a Wednesday afternoon, the week after winter break. It was the end of December, and I was growing increasingly anxious as the days went by, because over break, Angel and I had made plans to have a group movie night, with all of our friends. I got an off feeling in the pit of my stomach every time he and I spoke, like my insides were churning and my chest was expanding.

I had been avoiding Ben and Leo as much as possible after that conversation with Ben. I was no longer angry, but the atmosphere was still tense.

"I'm here," Ben emerged from his bedroom.

"Hey, so am I!" Leo exclaimed behind Ben, jumping on his back. Ben stumbled for a moment and made his way towards the couch so that they didn't tumble to the floor.

Ben laughed as Leo fell off of his back and Leo smiled at me, a shy smile, trying to cover the red creeping up on his cheeks. I quirked an eyebrow. Ben cleared his throat.

"So, what's up Sage?" I hesitated, sighing softly.

"I just... I wanted to apologize for how I acted before. I was angry and took it out on you guys, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." My eyes were on my hands as I knotted my fingers together. I examined the wrap on my hand; it was the same one that Angel had put on. I made a mental note to call him and ask if he'd mind changing it. This one was losing adhesion.

Leo's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"It's alright. We know you didn't mean anything by it," he assured me, but I shook my head.

"I'm an idiot," I muttered.

"Here, come sit," Ben said, motioning between he and Leo on the couch. I plopped down, exhaling deeply. "What's really going on?" His voice was soft, patient, like always. I stared at my hands, padding my thumb over the wrap, and all I could think was Angel, Angel, Angel.

"I just want to be around him all the time," I whispered, my voice wavering. I mentally kicked myself for it.

"Angel?" Leo asked. I nodded, no longer trusting my voice.

"Well, what's wrong with that?" Ben already knew my answer; he was only asking for my sake. I looked at him, eyes welled up, and his eyes softened.

"Hey, hey," Leo spoke softly. "What is it?"

"I shouldn't... like to be around him as much as I do. It's not..." I trailed off, as Leo and Ben's eyes empathized.

"Hey, it's okay," Ben soothed, pulling me in. I hadn't even realized that my cheeks were tear stained until Leo reached forward and wiped them dry.

I hated myself for crying; I hadn't even explained everything yet.

As my mind wandered, my body shivered at the thought of seeing Angel again, but I couldn't help but want to. I pulled away from Ben slowly, covering my face with my hands. I breathed in deeply and shook my head.

"Sorry, this is so dumb. God, I need to stop—"

"Hey," Leo cut me off. "Don't ever apologize for feeling." I stared at him with red eyes and nodded, sniffling softly.

"I have to go see him," I decided, standing up.

"Wait, what?" Ben asked, following me towards the dining room.

"I need him to change my bandage." He lowered his eyes at me and I flushed. "What?"

"Why can't one of us do it?" Leo questioned. I blinked at him.

"Have either of you ever changed a bandage?" They exchanged a glance.

"Well, no, but how hard can it be—"

I cut Ben off. "It's fine, guys," I promised, hands shaky, because it kind of wasn't fine. Just the thought of seeing Angel had my skin burning.

They still looked uncertain.

"Compromise?" Leo suggested. I stared at him. "You stay here, I'll get Angel, and he can come here with all the bandages and stuff." I narrowed my eyes speculatively.

"Why?"

"Well, I want to meet him. You know, officially. As the guy you like," he admitted.

"Me, too," Ben chimed in.

"Wait, but—"

"We won't embarrass you!" Leo said quickly. Ben held up his hand.

"Scout's honor." I stared at them, mind scattered.

"Deal?" Leo asked. I groaned and dropped my head to my hands.

"Fine... I guess." Leo and Ben both beamed at me.

"YAY," Leo cheered. He — after slipping his shoes on and pulling his jacket on— walked out the door and away from the apartment. My stomach flipped.

"Want to watch TV while we wait? Or do you want to make some food?" Ben was rambling. I narrowed my eyes at him and he stopped mid sentence while telling me what kind of food we had. "What?"

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Like what?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"Like you're trying to cover something up."

"I'm not," he said, chuckling. I reluctantly nodded, my mind too focused on Angel to push for more details.

"Want one?" Ben offered, holding up bread and lunch meat. I nodded, observing him for a moment.

Ben was the father figure. He always made sure Leo and I were safe, that we ate, that we didn't touch the thermostat, things like that. I appreciated him more than he knew because without him, I have no idea where I would've been.

I waited for my sandwich patiently and gnawed on my lip, anxious over the impending arrival of Angel.