Save Me, Save You

Prologue

I glanced around the church. Hindi naman kalakihan ang simabahan, pero lalong gumanda ito dahil sa mga flower decorations. The entire place was filled with white flowers of different kinds. It looked so dreamy; from the altar and down to the aisle.

I clutched my small bouquet as I started walking down the aisle. 

I looked at the end of the aisle, and there I found the love of my life. 

But he wasn't looking at me with a smile on his face.

No.

He was looking at me like his heart was being torn to a thousand pieces.

I tried to smile, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang may mamuong luha sa mata ko. I have pictured this moment a dozen of times. 

Mula bata palang ako, sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na kay Xavier ako ikakasal. One day, I would be Raine Aurea Barrameda, and that will be the happiest day of my life.

But we don't always get what we want, do we?

Napatingin ako sa entourage, at nakita ko ang mga kaibigan namin ni Xavier. They have been with us--with me--through it all. Lalo akong naiyak nung makita ko ang malungkot na mga mata ni Sherinn at ang nakakunot na noo ni Brent at Caden. Tila ba tinatanong ng mga mata nila kung bakit ginagawa ko 'to sa sarili ko.

Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko kay Xavier. Malapit na ako sa dulo ng aisle. Malapit na ako sa kanya.

Isang hakbang.

Dalawang hakbang.

Sa karaniwang scenario, dapat ay ilalahad na ni Xavier ang kamay niya sa akin para sabay kaming humarap sa pari. Magsesermon ang pari at sasabihin niya sa dulo na ang dating dalawa, ngayon ay ganap na iisa nalang. Sa harap ng Diyos, ng batas, at ng mga tao.

Pero hindi iyon ang nangyari. Hindi ako sa kanya pumunta.

With one final glance at Xavier's sad eyes, I turned left at nagtungo sa upuan na nakalaan para sa mga bridesmaids ng kasal.

Nagsimula nang tumugtog ang wedding march, at bumukas ang engrandeng pintuan ng simbahan. Mula doon ay naglakad ang isang magandang babae suot ang kanyang puting wedding gown.

I smiled towards the woman marrying the love of my life.

The people gasped at how good-looking she is. 

Alam kong walang-wala naman ako sa ganda ni Lexi. She had it all. Porcelain skin, straight black hair, good figure, good family background. From an outsider's point of view, she did deserve Xavier.

But those are opinions from strangers, and they didn't know me.

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha mula sa mata ko nang ipatong ng ama ni Lexi ang kamay nito sa kamay ni Xavier. He was giving his daughter to Xavier who didn't want her at all.

Mabuti nalang at nasa pinakadulong upuan ako kaya hindi ako makikita ng mga tao. Baka magtaka sila kung bakit iyak ng iyak ang best friend ni Xavier sa kasal niya.

Yes, as far as the people were concerned, I was the best friend and Lexi had been the long term girlfriend.

Pero hindi nila alam na ex na si Lexi. 

Pxtang ina. Ex na siya eh. Tapos ako na yung girlfriend.

Ang tagal kong minahal si Xavier mula sa malayo. I played the martyr best friend part for so long. I watched him fall in and out of love with different girls while I patiently waited for my turn.

Hindi pa niya ako mahal ngayon. Pero malay mo bukas o sa isang araw diba? Hintay lang, makikita din niya ako.

And he finally did! He saw me not as his best friend, but as his lover. Lahat ng paghihirap ko nagbunga na. But it was all short lived.

Because three months into our relationship, Lexi showed herself again with a small baby bump. Naitatago pa niya ito noon pero ngayon ay kahit ang engrandeng design ng gown niya ay hindi na maitago ang maliit na buhay na nabubuo sa tiyan niya.

Just like that, I was brought back to my best friend position habang si Lexi promoted agad to fiancé and now, wife.

"Do you, Xavier Barrameda, take Lexi Garcia as your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and 'til death do you part?"

Ipinikit ko ang mata ko, bracing myself for Xavier's answer.

"I do," sabi niya kasabay ng pagdurog niya ng puso ko.

Bumaling naman ang pari kay Lexi.

"Do you, Lexi Garcia, take Xavier Barrameda as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to hold, from this day forward,"

Tama na please. Sobrang sakit na. I begged to the heavens.

But of course the entire world probably hated me so the priest continued.

"for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and 'til death do you part?"

Muling tumulo ang luha ko nung sinabayan ko si Lexi magsalita. Mahina lang ang boses ko, paniguradong kahit si Sherinn na katabi ko ay hindi ako narinig.

I silently cried as I imagined I was the woman on the altar facing him and whispered to myself,

"I do."