Reckless - Chapter Forty-Four

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R E C K L E S S . . .

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

I swung the front door shut behind me as I stomped down the hallway, making a loud slamming sound that reverberated around the narrow hallway. I paid no regard to the fact that my mum had been behind me and the door was now shut in her face. I was angrier than I had been in a long time and more than ready to yell at just about anyone.

I heard the door spring back open as my mum ran into the house, panting. “Just one second, Anne!” she yelled after me. “Don’t think that we’re not going to talk about what happened with the Doctor today!”

“We’ve never talked about this kind of thing before,” I shouted back, pausing on the stairs. “And don’t act like you care about my feelings.”

It was Saturday night and we’d just got back from my third appointment with Doctor Helyer. Needless to say, it hadn’t gone well.

“Don’t be like that,” my mum snapped. “We need to talk!”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

She reached the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me. “What about-“

 “Look, Mum. I don’t want to talk about what happened today. I don’t want to think about it at all, okay?”

“No. It’s not okay!”

“You’re considering sending me to a mental hospital,” I growled. “Can you blame me for not wanting to talk to you?”

“Just until we sort this out-“

“That’s what you always say, Mum. But what if we don’t sort it out? What if I’m stuck there forever when I’m perfectly sane? If you’re worried about my sanity right now sending me to one of those places won’t help it – I’ll be even more messed up by the time they send me back home… if I ever get sent back, that is.”

 “It’s not set in stone!” she said desperately, looking at me with huge, imploring eyes. “And it won’t be that bad if you go – it’s not at all like you hear in movies and books.”

My hand clenched on the banister. “You’re seriously considering sending me, though – even if it’s ‘not set in stone’,” I mimicked her last words, a spiteful edge to my tone. “I could tell when Doctor Helyer was talking about it that you were agreeing.”

“Anne,” she sighed. “You’re not thinking straight.”

“Oh, right. I forgot. Because I’m insane.”

“We’ll only ever send you there if things get worse. We… I want you to get better.”

“I can’t get better because I’m already okay,” I insisted. I was losing whatever patience I’d managed to muster for our short conversation. “I’ll only get worse.”

“That’s not what Doctor Helyer thinks. She’s a professional.”

“She’s also a liar. She hates me.”

My mum’s eyes squeezed shut as she tried to decide what to say next. “She doesn’t hate you… she’s just doing her job. Maybe after a few more appointments things might be clearer and we won’t need to think about sending you anywhere.”

“But things won’t ever be clearer. She still won’t believe anything that I say and she’ll still be hell bent on sending me away,” I snapped. “There’s only one way out of this situation, and that’s me dying, though I’m pretty sure that you two would be quite pleased either way.”

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