Abducted By Love

Chapter 10: Curiosity Killed The Cat

....

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes I am..."

"Okay so what do you want to do? -- we're not ready to have a baby we've only been dating for 6 weeks...I'm not ready to be a father and I know you're not ready to be a mother, so what do we do? "

"I don't know, but I am keeping this baby, I don't care if I'm not ready, we were adult enough to have sex, so we are adult enough to raise it."

"Well then I guess that's that...you just tell me you're pregnant and you're keeping the baby don't I get a say?"

"Not if that say is telling me to abort a baby we made it together...what did this baby ever do to you?"

"You do know that's not the only option, there is adoption agencies, people that are way more mature than we are looking for a baby...we're not ready to raise a baby Alice."

"I'm not giving my baby to strangers! I'm not doing it...and by 'we're not ready you mean you're not ready'...you keep saying we but it's you...You don't want a baby."

"You're telling me that you're  ready for a baby?... Are you going to tell me that you want a little being too consume your life, run your schedule, take up too much time? Is that what you're telling me?"

"What I'm telling you is, I may not know anything about being a mother and no I may not be physically, mentally or emotionally ready -- but I do know this I know I'm far more ready than you'll ever be based on your reaction..."

"I'm not saying I don't want a child, what I'm saying is now isn't the time...We're still getting to know each other, still learning everything about one another -- a baby -- is only going to complicate that. That's the truth whether you like it or not Alice...I want to have children with you but not now...it isn't there right time."

"So I'm doing this alone?!!"

I said in hysteria...I couldn't believe what I was hearing, of course I know he wasn't going to be ecstatic or jumping over the roof. I mean I had just told him I was pregnant for crying out loud. I knew to done extent he was right, but we made a baby and I'm keeping the baby so...

-

"Hello, Alex...am I doing this alone?!!"

He still didn't answer, he just stood there with no reply...I expected him to act 'this' way when I told him I was pregnant.

But, now he was frightening me, I have never been more scared of his answer than right now...I've never been more scared of what he would say next than this moment...

This moment right here could define everything...Good or bad I had to be ready for what comes next no matter what the answer is I have to be strong and tough...I mean it's how I was raised.

But waiting for his answer was killing me...I was so curious for what he was going to say next.
But this next moment, I wish I hadn't.

"Alice I love you, I love you so much, I want to be with you --"

"Just answer the question Alex!"

"I don't think I can do this I'm not ready to raise a child, I'm not ready to be a father...I haven't exactly had great examples. I am terrified of the idea of anyone ever looking up to me. I can't do it...I want us to work through this but I don't know how, I'm not ready to raise a baby, you want to keep the baby and that puts us at two opposite ends of the pole."

I begin to cry. What could I say I was going to raise a baby alone -- my baby -- our baby.

When I woke up this morning this is not how I thought my day would go, I had been waiting for something to go wrong in this relationship and now it had...

That's what happens when you wait for the shoe to drop...You get a bell that crushes your body.

I felt so alone, so humiliated, and so stupid. I had poured my heart out to a guy, told him I loved him opened up to him more than I've opened up to anyone and my heart gets shredded into a billion pieces...Then chopped up into smaller pieces...

How could I have been so stupid...all because of a tiny little being growing inside...it's not even tangible yet...and I already know I love it...I thought the dad would too but turns out I was wrong. Completely wrong.

Sweets guys, perfect guys always have an Achilles heel.

A baby was his.

For what reason I will never know, all I knew now was I was officially on my own in this one.

"So I should pack my stuff and Um...you should let me leave. I should be gone by tomorrow morning."

Being that all the stuff was things he bought and I didn't want a reminder...I would just pack nothing and leave early in the morning so I don't have to cry or be weak in the front of him anymore....

This was the last time...yes I cried a few minutes earlier but that's over...

I'm over it... I'm over him.
'Bye bye birdie.'

I don't know why I said I'll pack my things, I didn't have anything, I guess my mind just wish this was all under different circumstances and that this would work. But it won't.

So, I can't exactly cry over it anymore. I have to move forward I now have a baby to raise -- by myself.

"Alice I don't want you to go, please stay, I still want to be with you....I love you."

"It's done Alex, we're done, I'm having the baby and I'm keeping it that's not something you want so I have to go, I need to go."

"So you're leaving me?"

"You didn't leave me much of a choice did you? You said that you weren't ready for a baby, I told you I'm having it, what else do you want to happen, what did you expect to happen?!"

"I don't know, I do know that I don't want you to leave me..."

"Well that doesn't do anything for me, now does it?"

"You're right, we can have the baby together just don't leave me. Please I don't want to live without you, I can get used to the idea of being a father, yes I may be scared, but I'd rather be scared about a baby and with you, than not scared about a baby alone and not have you. What do you say? Want to raise a baby together?"