Abducted By Love

Chapter 16: Colin, Colin, Colin

Alice is an amazing girl and I really like her — but things are complicated and I cannot do complicated right now.

It's been a year since my ex and I ended things between us — and I'm still not over her completely, she broke my heart — and it's like I'm still waiting for her to come back to me and I know she won't...she is happy with "The Surgeon" — so I'll let her stay happy.

It's just somehow I want things to go back to the way they were, I want her back, but I can't have her back, which is the part that I am so stuck on and then on top of that I like Alice...but her situation is complicated.

I'm sure she doesn't want to be just another one of those girls that I slept with, I honestly don't mean for her to be, but I don't want to give the illusion that we can be more with so much that is going on. We have to stay friends now that we have already complicated — this — with sex. I honestly wish I could have controlled myself more but I couldn't she was so beautiful and sweet and feisty and it just all made her so sexy — I think it was her outfit and the way she looked that night that didn't help.

It's honestly too late to turn back — but not too late to put things on pause. Sex in itself complicates everything — then add on to that fact that she is pregnant — not only that but someone else's child, that she may or may not still be in love with.

I just don't want her to turn into a backup for me until I feel that my ex might not come back to me or that I might try to win her back. Before I didn't want to because I was so busy being hurt and angry but I realize now that I may still be in love with her, I'll never know if I don't try.

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But how will I tell all of this to Alice....I don't know how she will take this, or what she will say, I know I have to tell her — but what if I don't? — what if I want to just pretend that it's all good and if she brings it up just casually brush it off....then what?

I'm glad I've never had to lie otherwise it would just come so naturally and only make this situation worse than it already is.

I don't know what to do.

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I'm so confused about what I want — and that only happens with my personal life never my workplace. It's so crazy how our most neurotic decisions are in our personal life and we don't even understand it. How can that be?

I just need to see how I can tell her that I just want to stay friends.

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It may be difficult but I at least want to try.