Lost Blood

PTSD

My hands and feet tremble...

I don't even know what am I trembling for...

They have wrapped up the photoshoot. I am on my way to the van when I overheard the staff talking,

"You need to make a stop at the Psychiatrist again?"

"Shouldn't the rest of the members come along as well?"

"I don't know if the younger ones would like that idea...but I'll ask them beforehand"

"I guess it happened all over again, his sickness. You saw what happened during the break time. People think he saw a ghost."

"You're right...he's at it again."

I quickly rush to the van and find that Namjoon and Hoseok are already inside. "Where were you, Hyung?" Hoseok asked in a bright form.

*

*

I couldn't answer. I am occupied with the staff's conversation I overheard. My body trembles terribly.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Hoseok began to worry.

"Hoseok-ah, ...am I...sick?" I asked him, clearly looking into his eyes for a concrete answer. Instead, Hoseok keeps trying to avoid my gaze. "AM I CRAZY, HOSEOK-AH" I demand an answer.

"NO Hyung! you are not crazy" Hoseok finally gives an answer. "Then why do I have to see a psychiatrist?" I look into both their eyes.

"Hyung, the doctor will explain--" I cut off Namjoon's sentence. "Why do I have to hear an explanation from someone I don't even know, I trust my brothers more than anyone. I want to hear from you guys" I break down.

"Hyung..." They both ponder.

"I am scared you know, I woke up this morning knowing nothing and I keep hearing depressing speculations around me! Please..." I cried.

"Calm down, Hyung.. .we thought if we told you now, it'll be too much of a shock--"
Namjoon grabs Hoseok's shoulder. "It's okay Hoseok-ah. I'll tell you, Hyung" He starts explaining.

*

"You heard Jung kook this morning didn't you, Jin Hyung is nowhere to be found. In fact, he's been gone for almost a year now." Namjoon explains.

"A year?! What have I been doing all this year not knowing this?" I got extremely shocked and angry at myself, who knows nothing.

"That's the issue, ever since Jin was gone, you got into depression and the diagnostic proves you had a post-traumatic stressed disorder (PTSD), not only it has been interfering with your memories regarding the important event, but it also has changed your attitude for the past months..." Namjoon continue.

"One time you woke up forgets everything as you are today. Other times, you become aggressive for about a month until we had to detain you and postpone all public activities." Hoseok added.

"Which means every time I wake up from sleep...everything of me...varies?" I become even more afraid after the explanation. I wrap my arms around my body to stop the obvious trembling. "Sort of -" Hoseok nodded.

"Hyung..." I hear Namjoon calls for my attention but hearing a bit of those already gets me terrified of myself.

I want to digest all this first. Seems like Namjoon and Hoseok understand my silence, they just sit back and the rest of the trip to the psychiatrist is quiet.