red side of the moon- trixya

twenty two.

Judy left her best days in Chicago

Trixie woke up on Saturday morning to an empty bed and the sound of a shower running. She was naked as she remembered how she spent Friday night. Leaning over the side of the bed, still under the covers, she grabbed a tee shirt that had been thrown onto Katya's floor. It was a dark navy with the words "free shrugs" across the chest. It was worn and smelled like cinnamon and roses.

Trixie looked over to Katya's bedside table to check the time. It was close to nine thirty. She laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking as she listened to the muffled music coming from the bathroom.

Last night. Last night she went to a party with Katya, came home with her, and lost her virginity to her. She told Katya she was in love with her, which made her nervous, but Katya said she was falling in love with her, too, which eased her nerves. Then she fell asleep, and that was it.

Katya, however, did not fall asleep. She was awake all night. Last night Trixie admitted to falling in love with her. Katya said she did too. Ever since those words passed her lips, she'd been filled with anxiety. She lied to Trixie. Katya never believed in true love, despite how she came across. She didn't want love to be real. She had watched it tear apart her brother so many times. She had read books and watched movies where love essentially killed people. She didn't want to be in love.

Being in love required commitment. It required losing yourself in another person, and that just wasn't something Katya was ready for. She was young and wild and free. She couldn't do that, not yet.

But she told Trixie she was. She fucked Trixie and Trixie said she was in love. And then Trixie fell asleep as Katya laid awake for hours on end, her mind a runaway train.

So now Katya was in the shower. She decided to get up right as the clock struck nine and needed time in the shower to assess everything. She stood in the hot water and just let it hit her. She played a pensive playlist titled "in the deep" that was composed of slow, thought-provoking songs. She loved analyzing lyrics. Trixie didn't even know that about her.

How could they be in love? They didn't even know that much about one another. Trixie loved who she thought Katya was, not who she actually was. Katya stood in the shower for a solid forty five minutes reeling over every thought that passed through her mind. Then she heard Trixie scream.

She quickly turned off the water and threw a towel around herself before barging out of the bathroom and to her bedroom right beside it. Trixie was sobbing on Katya's bed with her phone turned on in front of her.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Katya asked, her voice panicked. Trixie pointed a shaky finger to her phone and Katya saw what was open.

It was a picture of Katya sucking on Trixie's finger. She swiped and there was a picture, taken through a window, of them making out. Katya's heart dropped fifteen stories and shattered against the concrete, splattering blood everywhere. She looked at where the photos were from, and it was Violet's Instagram story.

Trixie was sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. She had gone from the quiet girl to Katya's friend to being outed in front of the whole school. Violet's Instagram was followed by basically everyone with a phone.

Katya picked up her own phone and had received well over a hundred text messages from several different people regarding the pictures. Her friends, random people in her classes, her own brother. Everyone wanted to know exactly what the fuck was happening.

"You promised!" Trixie exploded. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!" She was yelling through sobs.

"Please, Trixie, be quiet, my family is home," Katya said, walking towards her to sit next to her on the bed.

Trixie shoved her backward. "I don't have a family to go home to because of you," she shouted. She could barely breathe, let alone speak. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!"

Katya was taken back. No one had been this mad at her in a long time. "I didn't tell anyone, I'm sorry-"

"This is all your fault! If you didn't get so drunk and make me go to that party, this wouldn't have happened!"

"I didn't make you go, Trix," Katya said, trying to remain calm, though she felt all sorts of emotions boiling in her chest. "I.. I can fix this, please, just give me time.."

"You can't fix this, all you do is ruin things! My mom was right, you ruined me," Trixie sobbed. Her chest was burning and so were her eyes. She was so full of emotions they were seeping out of every pore in her body.

"Stop it." Katya's voice was quiet, yet firm. "This isn't my fault," she said.

"Yes it is! This is all your fucking fault," Trixie choked, her voice caught on itself.

Silence hung in the air as Katya let Trixie's words resonate. What happened to being in love?

Once again, Katya tried to sit next to Trixie, and was pushed away. It broke her heart. Not being able to rub her back and calm her down like she had so many times before. Being somehow responsible for the pink bomb called Trixie's detonation.

"I need some air," Katya whispered. It was her attempt at throwing water onto the fire. It was her clawing at the water above her.

"I want to go home." Trixie's heart was pounding in her chest so hard she was afraid her ribs would break. "I don't want to be here anymore," she muttered.

Despite her efforts, the fire caused the building to explode. She was sucked deeper and deeper into the water until she couldn't see sunlight. "I didn't do anything," Katya mumbled, her eyes welling with tears. "I'm sorry, Trixie, I don't know how to make this better right now."

"I said I don't want to be here anymore," Trixie spat.

Katya texted Jodi and said she would be dropping off Trixie soon. She took her clothes to the bathroom to get dressed as Trixie got dressed in the bedroom. She couldn't help but cry as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. What did I do wrong? How can I fix this? How did I fuck up so badly?

Trixie didn't think. Her mind was a blank slate. All she wanted to do was be home, laying against a warm bed she could call her own. All she wanted was a guitar pressed against her chest. All she wanted was her past life, which was currently in shambles. She could never go back to how she was. She was convinced she would never be the same.

The car ride was completely silent until Katya stopped in Jodi's driveway. She went to grasp Trixie's hand, but was greeted with nothing but a cold glare.

Just as Trixie's hand met the door handle, Katya broke the silence.

"I thought you were in love with me," she murmured, looking deeply into the brown pools of Trixie's eyes.

Just for a moment, Trixie was pulled into the endless skies of Katya's eyes. Just for a moment before she ripped herself out and looked down at her thighs.

"So did I," she said, getting out of the car. She looked back into Katya's eyes. "So did I."