The Princess's Secret [completed]

42: In Shock.

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Tamar.

Caspian led her to a library, seating her on a cushioned settle. She was dimly aware of Caspian whispering to one of the servants. I just killed a man. She stared a the cobblestone floor, somehow unable to tear her eyes away from the stones.

She didn’t know how to react. That man had been among Damon’s men. He was partially responsible for all she’d been through. But to kill someone… She swallowed. It didn’t matter who she had killed, it didn’t change the nastiness of it.

Her gaze shifted slightly to stare at her hands. The hands that had held the weapon. The cushions shifted slightly as Caspian sat down beside her. There was silence as she stared at her hands, not daring to glance at him.

Slowly, he reached over and covered her hands with his own, blocking them from her sight. “Don’t.”

She blinked in surprise at the quiet order. “W-what?” Her voice was empty, holding only a hint of surprise and nothing else, reflecting the numbness.

“Don’t let your thoughts go there.”

She slowly tilted her head, finding calm eyes waiting for her. “Why not? I-” He stopped her words, placing a finger on her lips. He shook his head.

“No. That man was attacking you, and he nearly killed Isidro. He was out for blood, and you stopped him.”

“He was after my blood! It was my presence that brought him here.” She shot back.

“We don’t know if he was after you. But we do know that he wanted to destroy the only one who can rule Adrelawin.” He paused, letting that sink in a moment. “You are the only one that these people will accept as their Queen. You are the only one who can raise this Kingdom from the darkness Thaddias brought upon it. If those men had killed you, they would’ve destroyed the last chance this Kingdom has.”

She swallowed, trying to grasp what he was saying. Just then, the servant returned, carrying a tray with a kettle of steaming hot tea. Caspian stood and walked over to the table the servant placed it on, dismissing the man.

As he poured a cup, Jamaal walked in, hand resting on his sword as always. “There is no further sign of intruders. We are tracking the one who escaped, but it appears Herschel is the only one likely to capture him.”

Caspian nodded. “Let me know if anything changes.” Jamaal bowed and disappeared out the door.

Things seemed too quiet, like silence after a thundershower. Suddenly she felt cold, and began to shiver. Caspian handed her the cup of hot tea, and she savored it’s warmth. He located a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders before taking his seat again.

“Is it always like this? After a battle?” She surprised herself in asking, needing to fill the silence.

“Sometimes, depending on the person and situation. Most young soldiers are like this, some worse.” He thought a moment. “It’s always the first battle that defines how a person is going to handle the life of a soldier or knight.”

“What about for you? What was your first battle?”

He averted his gaze slightly, and she immediately knew that he was still disturbed by it. “It was a simple skirmish, didn’t last too long.” He leaned back a little, relaxing. “It took a couple days to stop thinking about it constantly. But it does get better, you get a little more used to it every time.”

She shuddered slightly, and he didn’t comment. After a few more moments of silence, she stood and placed her cup on the table, keeping the blanket. “I think I’d better get some sleep.” She said quietly, turning back to him.