This Can't Be

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A week later, Taraji sat on her bed, looking at herself in the mirror. Apryl had just called her to let her know that she was invited to the Oscars and they also wanted her to perform Hard out Here for a Pimp. She was contemplating whether or not she was going to go. Nothing in her was saying go. But the longer she sat on the edge of the bed, she could hear Boris to tell her to get up and make these people remember her name. She smiled, even with tears falling down her face. Her phone rang, making her wipe her face. Seeing terry's name flash across the screen, she quickly tried to pull herself together. She couldn't let him come home yet again all because she was crying.

"Beloved?" He called out after she answered. "Yes Terry," she answered, her voice quivered as she took a deep breath. "Do I need to come home?" He asked her, knowing she was trying to hide her sniffles. "No. Well yeah but not for another week. I'm performing at the Oscars. Apryl is going with me so we'll need someone to watch the kids," she told him. "Okay that's fine. How are you doing today?" He asked. "I'm good. How are you?" She lied. Truth be told she was having another bad day. She woke up at 5 a.m. and took a shower. Then she spent 45 minutes staring at her stomach, cursing herself for not being strong enough to still have her child.

Then she started crying hysterically while feeding Cyrus. The poor child watched his mama in silence, confused by her emotions. Wanting to be alone, she didn't even acknowledge Cel when he asked could Phire come over. Then she locked herself in the bedroom for the past 2 hours, just staring into a mirror, crying. This was first time she actually said a word to someone. "I'm good. But i know you're not fine. Brey said you're not talking to anyone. I get you're hurting and that's okay. You don't have to hide it. But can you please interact with our children and let them know you're still there. They're worried about you and they're grieving too," he informed her, realizing she completely ignored Hunter who was trying to hug her.

"I will," she whispered. "I'm proud of you. Are you excited to perform?" He asked her. "Not even a little bit. But I can't keep sitting in the house like this.... I miss you," she voiced, her tears starting to flow again. "I miss you too Beloved. Don't cry. I'll be home soon," he spoke, trying not get emotional. He hated that this was how most of their conversations went. He needed her to cheer up, He actually needed the whole family to perk up. A knock came to the door followed by Hev's soft voice. "There goes one the kids now. Time to be a mom," she mumbled. "You can do this babe. I love you. Call me later," he told her. She said her I love you back then opened the door.

Heaven stood in the doorway holding Cyrus who was whining for Taraji

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Heaven stood in the doorway holding Cyrus who was whining for Taraji. "I'm sorry fat fat. What's the matter?" She questioned her child. "He just keeps crying... mama?" Hev whispered. "Yes baby," Raji answered. "I miss grandpa. Is anybody else going to die?" The little one questioned, scared that she could lose her entire family. Raji sat on the bed, signalling for Hev to join her. "Baby. Everybody dies but if we're lucky, then we will live for a very long time. I can't say if anybody is going to die soon, but I can say that we can pray and hope that no one does," Raji explained. "Can we pray now?" Hev asked, tears filling her eyes.

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