Rank and Respectability

- Chapter 31 -

Katherine lay in bed unable to sleep, overcome with melancholy. She tossed and turned, as did her mind, and could not find rest, nor reason for her restlessness.

She rose, stepped to the window to gaze on the grounds below blanketed in the clear night's silver glow. With a little huff of breath she then turned and exited her room, wandering the halls of Rosforte, the library, the conservatory, standing again on the steps overlooking the yard and breathing deep the crisp night air.

She returned to her room, sat on the edge of her bed, began to cry. Dropping onto her knees beside her bed she crossed her arms on her sheets and stuffed her head between them, bawling like a child. "I feel alone!" she wailed into the plush bedding as quietly as her passionate sorrow would allow, "I feel I have been left behind and forgotten by life and time and I feel I am being overly dramatic but I cannot help it for I am miserable! I was given everything and then all was taken from me! My child, my husband, my family. Perhaps my family has not been taken from me but it feels as though they have, moving on with their lives, getting married, having children, travelling the world...while I linger at Rosforte getting no younger and going nowhere!" She spoke both to herself and to the heavens, venting her thoughts and woes and crying until she laughed at how she must look. She fell asleep as she was, head resting on crossed arms on the edge of her bed.

She felt fresher and a little lighter the next day, though her knees felt uncomfortably cramped. Looking through her selection of black gowns she paused. Perhaps she considered It is time to start anew, the time for mourning has passed and I cannot allow myself to be pitiful and lonely forever.

She fingered the light cotton of a soft peach gown. Besides, I am not alone expressly because I have no husband or child, I have many friends and thanks to Lady Compton I am well able to pursue whatever I may wish.

She pulled out a pale blue with collar and sleeves of lace. I do not even know what it is I wish to pursue; what Are my interests, my passions?

Returning the blue she decided on a vibrant yellow with tiny embroidered dots adding texture to the fabric. I suppose it is time they were discovered.

On her way downstairs Katherine saw her parents at the door donning hats. They noticed the lack of mourning black in her apparel and smiled each other then her.

"Ah, Kat," Her father spoke. "You are looking well. We are going to Landyn house to spend the day with Thomas, Celia, and Benny. Do you wish to join us?"

"Yes, I will tell the coachman to wait for you." Mrs Wheaton added.

"It is alright mama, no need. I have invaded their home far too often in the last few months. Give them my love for me."

"Of course. We will not be back until later tonight I expect." Mr Wheaton said as they started out the door.

"Alright papa," Katherine waved a little farewell as she spoke. "safe travels, see you tonight."

She spent her morning drawing in the conservatory, then practicing on the pianoforte, then picked some books from the library and took herself out to the gardens to read them in the sun. She found Lady Compton already there reading letters in the shade.

"Good morning Aunt."

"Good morning Katherine. I sent a letter to Mr William Wilberforce about a month ago and have received a reply, do you wish me to read aloud?"

"I have brought reading material, thank you." Katherine smiled. Lady Compton smiled in reply and focused once again on her letter with concentration the likes of which could rival that of Nelson's, pacing the deck of the Victory before battle.
With warm summer breezes cooling their skin and gently lifting small strands of their hair, the two enjoyed the remainder of the morning outdoors. When they were done with their reading they conversed over tea and biscuits, and then – as cheerful fluffy clouds shaded them from the sun – determined it was a lovely day to be walking.