Mending Fences

Chapter 12

TW: Sadness and angst

Natsuki's POV:

Why was I so freaking petty? Leaving early and being all impersonal with a note. I contemplated on going home and tearing it down, but what if I walked in and she was sitting at the table all pissed off at me? I couldn't handle that.

I couldn't handle making her disappointed in me.

God I just love her so damn much, why was this so hard? It all felt so damn hard. It never used to be this hard.

But drinking isn't meant to solve problems it just represses them and makes them bigger, deeper.

Look at my papa it took him forever to be fully cleand...it took Kayte.

I remembered the last time my papa had relapsed, he had gotten so drunk. Yuri and I had gotten into a fight over my job being dangerous...I was visiting him.

He'd almost hospitalized me, he shoved me in a drunken state and I had tumbled down the stairs.  Thankfully it only ended up with bruises and cuts. I twisted my ankle, and cracked a couple ribs but other than that, it was nothing I hadn't gotten before.

Yuri had rushed to me a sobbing mess and had apologized over and over again, and I apologized over and over again. Until we were just a blubbering mess of tangled limbs and tears.

Kayte had been so mad,  she took my dad by the arm and told him he either got sober or everytime he drank she'd call the cops, and when he told her they wouldn't come just for him drinking she said
  "No but they'll come to collect your body because I'm going to hurt you if you ever do this again Dexter Osake!"

Everything seemed so different then...so simple, so easy. Yuri and I had each other and we were so lucky and in love. 

But that was before, before Sayori and Monika's accident.  Before Yuri and I became responsible for four little human beings. Before our lives started spiraling out of control.

Before I felt like I could do nothing right.

Tragedy changes a person, no matter how tough you may seem or how brave you may feel. Tragedy is a deep endless struggle that never truly leaves you.

No matter how much time passes.

Or how much therapy you take.

How many hours you cry.

It never leaves. Just as the person you lost will never come back.

I sat in my squad car, wishing for some sort of answer on how to fix things with my wife.

My beautiful,  smart and kindhearted wife.  Why had I drank so much last night? Obviously I was a complete and utter mess.

  She's probably so pissed at me. I honestly didn't blame her if she was. I mean look at my papa. Look at all the pain he caused, how much he hurt me. I just did it right back to Yuri.  She was never going to forgive me.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose tired and drained. I was eating my lunch at a gas station, waiting for something to happen, anything to happen.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Slowly I removed my phone from it and clicked it on. It was a Twitter update or something stupid.
However when I had my phone on I noticed something...something rather important.

Yuri had texted me...
hours ago...
.....shit

God she was probably so hurt and angry...

Why did I do this to her? We had kids now! I hadn't even taken Naomi to school this morning! I'm so worthless.