For Ever

seventeen

Olivia Baker 7:57am: Goodmorning, Beth. I will be at church for all 4 services... they are 8:30, 10, 11:30, and 1. It's supposed to be a really good service for parents today.
I set the phone on the mattress next to me and rolled over to face Everly.
I traced the outline of her face with my fingertips, then letting my hand rest over her tummy.
We definitely aren't making the 8:30 service, but should I go? It would be good for Everly to be introduced to a church.
I lightly kissed Everly's forehead and got out of bed.
I used the restroom, washed my hands, then quietly walked out of the room.
Anna was no where to be seen, so I made myself a cup of coffee.
I leaned against the counter and pressed my fingers to my temples.
What am I going to do?
Church doesn't have to be about Olivia. I can to church anytime I want. I can go to any church I want.
However, something is pulling me there. To her.
"Okay, I'm going." I spoke to no one.
I smiled to myself and sipped my cup of coffee.
The clock read 8:45am, so I decided to go ahead and wake Everly up.
We both need to bathe and find something decent to wear to church.
I have a creme colored dress with beige stripes, that I haven't worn in a while.
I walked to my closet and slid hangers to see what I had. I came across the dress and decided it was my best option. I took it off and grabbed my long blush pink cardigan also.
I got Everly occupied with breakfast and a show on the T.V., then went to take a shower.
I sped through my shower and blow dried my hair, then called Everly in to get her bath over with.
She didn't fight me with getting out today. I dried her body, then ran the towel through her hair multiple times.
"Mama, where we go?" Everly looked at me through the mirror.
"We're going to go to church." I smiled at her.
"What church?" She titled her head.
Everly has gone 4 years without even knowing what a church is. How did I let this happen? I was raised in a church. My father is a pastor for crying out loud!
"It's a place where people go to practice their beliefs. They can go and give thanks for all they have and all they are. They also listen to someone talk, who tries to bring people closer to God." I tried to explain to her.
She didn't question me anymore, though I could see that she had more questions. Her face twisted and scrunched as she processed the information I had given her.
I brushed and styled her hair, sticking a white bow on her head, and changing her into her white dress.
It's a white underlay, with a thick lace designed fabric over.
"These, mama, peas!" Everly held up her gladiator sandals.
"Perfect!" I smiled at her.
I like to let her feel that she has some control over what she does, because it saves us from tantrums when she gets antsy to find something she can do all by herself.
She smiled and put them on.
"No bow." She shook her head.
"You're right. It's too much white." I agreed with her and took the bow out, along with the hair that I had tied up with it.
Her wavy hair fell down her back and she hopped away happily.
I changed my own clothes and quickly applied my eyebrow pigment and some mascara.
9:27am.
We have to go. We might be late already.
I walked out, Everly following right behind. I locked the door and we quickly walked to our bus stop.
"Awfully early to see you girls on a Sunday morning." Mr. Davey greeted us.
"We go to church." Everly told him.
"Well, good. I think that's a perfect reason to be up this early." He nodded at her.
She pulled me by the hand to an empty row.
She occupied the window seat, leaving me in the middle.
It only took us 10 minutes to ride the bus to the area of the church which was surprising.
I held Everly's hand as we walked toward the building. There were tons of people. A lot of kids. So many people smiling and shaking hands.
Everly stopped, pulling me back, then lifted her hands to show that she wanted to be carried.
I lifted her me, sitting her on my hip as we merged into the crowd of people entering the church.
Instantly, I spotted her. She looked absolutely breathtaking.
I was walking towards her, then was stopped by a woman.
"Hi, I'm Lina. We're having a special service today all about little ones. Do you mind telling us her name so the pastor can announce them?" She smiled warmly.
"This is Everly." I told her.
Everly watched the woman write her name.
"Awesome. Here is a name tag for you, miss Everly. Just stick it on the front of your pretty dress." She spoke directions to Everly.
"Thank you." I smiled.
I turned away from the woman and saw Olivia standing nearby.
"Via!" Everly exclaimed loudly as she too spotted Olivia.
"Ev!" Olivia responded excitedly.
Everly reached for Olivia from my arms, but instead of passing over to her, she just hugged Olivia from my arms.
It held me and Olivia very close for a few moments, before they parted.
"Okay, so I saved a couple of seats up with me, but you definitely can sit wherever you want." Olivia told me.
"Of course we're sitting with you. You invited us." I told her.
"Okay." She smiled widely.
"Now, I sing in the praise and worship team, so I will be leaving y'all for the beginning and very end of the service." She informed me.
I just nodded and followed her as she led us in.
She smiled and waved at many people that were hanging around, some talking, some directing people.
She led us to the front right side of the room and showed us our seats.
I sat next to her and Everly stayed in my lap.
"You both look so beautiful." Olivia smiled and laid a hand on Everly's ankle.
I blushed and looked away.
"You look boo-ful too." Everly responded back to her.
Everly is so sweet to everyone she meets. It makes me so proud to be her mama.
I sat quietly, because I felt awkward without anything to talk to Olivia about and I was nervous about being in church. I haven't been since I've had Everly, well since my mom kicked me out.
"Okay, it's about to start. I gotta go." Olivia told me, laying her hand on my knee as she stood.
I didn't pull away this time. I had missed her touch so much.
I smiled instinctively as she walked away and music started to fill the room.
A timer started counting down from a minute and people found their seats. Both seats next to me remained open, as they were Olivia's and Everly's, though Everly won't sit there.
Olivia stood closest to us as they sang the worship songs. I watched her in awe. She is so beautiful and has such a good heart for people. I just wish she wouldn't have let that woman touch her again. Olivia was pretty perfect of a human before that happened. No one is perfect and mistakes are made. She owned up to it. I should be able to be moving past this. I need to for the sake of my own heart.
Yes it happened and yes it hurt, but I'm not going to let it define the relationship I have with Olivia or the relationship she has with my daughter.
Olivia deserves to feel happy and cared for and maybe it's my job to do it. If it isn't, then I will surely take on that job until the right person comes to take over.
I felt relief wash over me as they sang the 4th and final song.
They stood up there while the pastor greeted the church, then they walked off the stage to various spots in the front rows. Olivia joined me.
How do I tell her I forgive her? How do I suddenly tell her I'm forgetting what happened and am ready to move forward with her?
We sat and listened to the pastor's sermon. He was concentrating on the importance of a parent to a child, then he also included the importance of community and friends and family for a child. Everly watched him intently, which surprised me so much.
He spoke directly to the children about how important they are and how much they are loved by not only the people around them, but by God himself.
"We are here to love all God's children. I see a lot of beautiful little faces this morning. If you have a child with you, go ahead and lift them up or have them stand on the seats so they can be seen. Parents, hold your children near. If you see a child near you, just reach out a loving hand on parents or children while we pray over them." He directed us.
I lifted Everly to my front and she looked into my eyes. I smiled and felt multiple hands contact my body. I saw people laying hands on Everly and she looked at each of them. Olivia set a hand on my back and her other hand on Everly's back.
We bowed our heads as the pastor led the church in a prayer. He prayed over every child by name. He called only one Everly. Mine.
The hands left our bodies and we continued to listen to the pastor.
"We, as humans, cannot do life alone. How are parents expected to raise their children alone? Through His community and His loving-kindness will we raise these children in His grace." He said firmly.
The service ended and I turned to walk out, hand-in-hand with Everly, But was stopped by Olivia.
"What are you doing later on?" She asked me.
"I was actually thinking of asking you on a date. You've never let me pay for something and I think it'd be a nice way to thank you for inviting us here." I spoke to her.
Her smile grew wide very quickly and she nodded excitedly.
I matched her smile, then pulled her into a hug. I was still holding on to Everly's hand, so I could hug her properly, but I held her as tightly as I could for as long as I could.
This feels so right. This feels safe. This is home.
I buried my head and tightened the hug before letting her go.
"I'll just call you when I get out of here?" She suggested.
"Sounds good." I nodded.
"Okay." She smiled.
I slightly laughed and shook my head at her eagerness.
"Bye, Everly." She squatted down to Everly's height.
Everly hugged her and Olivia stood with her.
"Bye, Via." I could barely hear Everly's small voice in the midst of the crowd.
Olivia set Everly down and I grabbed her hand again.
We took the bus back home and took a good nap after we changed out of the church clothes.
Everly crashed hard and fast.
I, on the other hand, was very giddy and excited to fall asleep at first, but eventually I followed.