For Ever

thirty five

"I don't want you to go yet." I said sadly, allowing my thumb to stroke the skin on her wrist.
"I know." She pouted her bottom lip.
"But you'll be back soon?" I asked hopefully.
"Not soon enough." She smiled, before kissing me.
We fell right back into rhythm as if nothing happened.
"I wish I didn't have work today, so I could just stay here with you all day." I said.
"So, you have to see him?" She asked, sadly.
"He's not always there. Sometimes, I just get to spend time with Gracie." I told her.
It's true. He isn't always there, but if he is, this will be the first time I've seen him since Friday. I feel awful for the situation that has unfolded.
I let Olivia waltz right back in to our lives and mentally already rearranged everything to fit her.
Part of me wishes that I would've never agreed to Friday with Ross, just so I wouldn't have to have the conversation that needs to be had. Although, Ross did say he understood this wasn't the start of anything, so maybe that conversation doesn't need to be had after all.
No matter how much I wish I could stay mad at her, I know I can't, because she'd eventually find her way back and there'd be more hurt then.
I love having her here and I love that we can fall right back into it, I just wish I didn't have to fear her leaving again. This is twice already and in less than six months.
"I'm going to try to be better." She said strongly.
"I didn't—" I shook my head at her.
"I can just tell... I'm going to try. I will make this work, I swear." Her hands squeezed mine as she spoke.
I just nodded.
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She did just that. She made it work.
We saw each other every weekend and as much as possible in between.
Everly has loved having her around again and I have loved watching her light up everytime she sees Olivia.
We had packed up our room and belongings this weekend with Olivia. The plan is for us to have Anna come help us move back up Wednesday, just in time to pick up my cap and gown Thursday morning.
I cannot wait to be back home at least for a little bit. If the hospital offers me a position, I truly think I'd take it. This hospital is everything I've ever dreamed of and more. The people are great, the kids are unimaginably perfect, and the area is up there too. I just don't know how to tell Olivia that I'd consider it. She's excited for us to be home and get back to our old routine, but I need to do what's best for myself and Everly first. My entire life I have put everyone before me, but this time, it matters more. This time influences the rest of my life and Everly's life for the foreseeable future.
I packed up Everly's backpack for the day, then made sure her shoes were on and tied.
We were on time today, for once. We weren't rushing to get out the door.
It is my last day as an intern and also the day the hospital decides whether or not to offer me a position on their research team.
I held Everly by the hand and we set on our journey to drop her off.
She has one more day following today, to allow me to get everything in order for our move.
I kissed her head many times, before allowing her to enter her classroom. Her giggle filled my ear and she hugged my neck tightly.
"You are everything." I whispered as I rubbed her back.
"I love ooh, mama." She cooed.
"I love you, baby." I said, then kissed her head once more.
I watched her enter her classroom, then turned to leave.
Once I entered the doors to the hospital, I put on my name badge and headed to the fourth floor.
"Beth, hi! A word?" Melissa, my boss, greeted me off the elevator.
"Sure, of course." I nodded and followed her as we went towards her office.
"How was your weekend?" She half-heartedly smiled.
"Busy. Yours?" I countered.
"Busy." She nodded her head stiffly.
The silence filled the air, forcing an awkward hush over the room.
"Did I do something?" I asked suddenly.
"No no no, not at all. We wanted to one, extend an invitation to come back to work with us permanently. Two, we wanted to grant you time to decide the position, should you want to enter this building again." She told me.
"Why wouldn't I?" I questioned.
"Honey, Grace Vance passed." She said somberly.
I felt my entire body tense. My stomach dropped and my heart stopped.
"What? When?" I asked barely audible.
The tears stung my eyes. I won't be able to hold it for much longer.
She can't be gone. This is just a sick joke, probably brought on by Grace. That little prankster. She got me good.
"Early Sunday morning." Melissa informed me.
So it's real.
"Why didn't someone call?" I let tears fall.
"We thought it'd be best to wait until her father was able to get things in order. We want you to take as much time as you need to process, then get back to us when you are ready. The offer still stands and will until you confirm or deny it. I am very sorry. I know this was your kid." She spoke again.
"Where's Ross now?" I asked.
"He got her things together this morning and was gone by seven. He stopped by to make sure this got to you. You really made such a difference for that little girl. She loved you." Melissa smiled as she showed me a shoe box decorated with paints, glitters, puffy paints, gems, feathers, and any other art supply Grace could get her hands on.
More tears escaped when I realized she had decorated it for me.
'I love you, Beth' was written on the box.
She extended the box to me and I could tell it was filled.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"You are free to go home if you wish, today was a finalizing day, but I can manage it for you." She offered.
I nodded and stood from the chair.
I wiped my eyes and exited her office, box in hand.
I went to Grace's room and cried harder at the lack of personality it had. He removed everything. The room was plain again. Grace was removed from the room.
I need to see Ross. I can't imagine how he's feeling.
I ordered an Uber to take me to his place.