For Ever

twenty two

I flattened my hands down the front of my dress. Dad was always so sour towards funerals. He said funerals should be a celebration of a life rather than the grieving over the loss of one.
So in his honor, I opted for a light colored floral print.
I dressed Everly in a lavender short sleeve dress with rufffled socks and light brown booties.
"You ready, pretty girl?" I squeezed her shoulders and kissed her cheek.
"Mommy, I don't wanna go. I scared." She squeaked.
"I am too, baby girl." I admitted quietly.
"You look beautiful, love. I wish these were different circumstances." Olivia said sadly.
I smiled softly at her as I turned to face her.
She lightly brushed my hair behind my shoulders and rubbed my jaw with her thumbs.
My stomach exploded with tingles.
My eyes searched around for Everly, but I didn't see her. I looked back to Olivia's eyes.
She pulled my head in and lightly kissed my forehead.
I grabbed her wrists and held to in place for a few moments.
I took a deep breath and pulled away.
"Ready to go?" She rubbed my jaw with her thumb.
I nodded.
She was driving us there and picking us up afterwards.
"I'm just not ready to have people hugging me and Everly saying sorry for our loss when he hasn't even been in our lives since Ev was born." I said quietly.
"I know." She shook her head.
We walked to her car, drove in silence, and arrived about 10 minutes later than my family.
I got Everly out of the car, then carefully kissed Olivia without Everly or anyone else seeing.
"I'll be here." She nodded and placed her hand on my arm.
I nodded and tried to smile at her.
I held Everly's hand as we walked in.
"About time. Annabeth, the people will be arriving soon. We need to get that girl a seat and get you fixed up. God, what are you wearing? This is your father's funeral." My mom came toward me, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the actual room.
So many benches.
So many bouquets of flowers and flower arrangements.
Then I saw the casket. It was open.
I stopped and mom's hand pulled my skin on my arm.
"Ow. Wait— I can't." I pulled my arm away from her.
"Annabeth, come on." She grabbed my arm again.
"I can't. I can't see him." I yanked my arm back and stumbled backwards.
"We are in the front row." She sternly spoke to me.
"I don't want Everly seeing him." I shook my head.
"She's in the third row." Mom shrugged her shoulders.
"No she's not. She's with me." I argued.
"Do not start today. That's where there is room for her." Mom told me.
"Mom, she's four years old." I scoffed.
"You don't know when to stop do you?" She spat.
"She's my child and I want her next to me. She's not sitting alone in another row at her absent grandfather's funeral." I met her tone.
"Do what you want, but don't come crying to me when she gets freaked out from seeing his body." She rolled her eyes.
"I never came crying to you before." I said under my breath.
"You better keep that smart ass mouth quiet today." She grabbed my forearm tightly.
I pulled away and crept to my seat, careful not to look at him.
Everly sat tucked into my side and I stared at the picture of him that was blown up and displayed beside the casket.
"Thank you for coming." Rosalie's voice appeared.
I nodded.
"Hey, Everly." She addressed my daughter.
My eyes shot to her and then down to Everly.
Everly waved at her and pushed further into my side.
I rubbed her leg.
"She can sit with my husband and the kids." She offered.
"She's fine." I nodded.
James appeared with mom and we sat in order. Mom, James, Rosalie, then me and Everly.
We stood and people greeted us, but I left Everly on the seat behind me. She's too shy to have strangers hugging her.
People kept telling me how proud he was to have three kids and so many grandchildren. That he loved his life. I stayed emotionless to protect my heart.
The service was hard. Everyone was crying, except me. I couldn't. I cried so much for the past few days that I have nothing more to cry.
Everly laid her head in my lap, so I assumed she fell asleep a while ago. I played with her hair and waited for the service to be over.
"Are you coming to the reception?" Rosalie asked.
"No. I have to get her home." I declined.
"People are going to want to see you." She tried to push.
"I'm not going, Rose. I'm going home." I lifted Everly's body to my front and stood with her.
"I love you." She said sadly.
I nodded and accepted the hug she initiated.
I walked out without my mom noticing and spotted Olivia's car.
I carefully put Everly in her car seat without waking her, then slid into the passenger seat.
"Are you okay?" Olivia asked grabbing my hand.
I nodded and held her hand tightly.
She lifted our hands and kissed the back of mine.
"Let's go home." She squeezed my hand.
I nodded.
—————————
I opened my eyes and looked around.
Feeling little hands on my side, I turned over to see Everly behind me and Olivia on the other side of her with her hand on Everly's side.
I rolled over and cuddled into Everly, stretching my arm across her to reach Olivia. I grabbed a fistful of her shirt and closed my eyes again.
This is the easy part. This is home.
I felt a hand and arm on my back, then felt light touches on my face.
I flinched back and opened my eyes to see Olivia. She was placing kisses on my face.
"Hey there, sunshine." She smiled.
I wrapped an arm around her neck and pulled her into me.
"You slept so long, I thought I'd better wake you up or you wouldn't be able to sleep tonight." She said into my shoulder.
I released her and pushed her off of me, on to her back. I climbed on top of her and kissed her.
I tugged at her shirt to lift it off of her, but she caught my hands.
"I don't think it's a good time right now." She stopped me.
"It's the perfect time. Everly's not in here." I told her.
"Baby, I always want you, but you're hurting right now." She fought me to sit up.
"You always make me feel better." I kissed her again.
She grabbed my legs and flipped us. She was on top of me.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"I'm sure." I nodded.
She kissed me and her hands went up the big t-shirt I wore.
Her nails grazed my skin and I gasped. I closed my eyes and pressed into her nails.
She attached our lips again and let her hand scratch down my side until it reached my underwear. She lifted the waistband and her hand slid in.
I moaned instantly.
I gripped her shirt tightly in my hands and she pleased me delicately.
Her mouth attached to my neck and started sucking and biting at the tender skin.
I came unraveled at her hands, turning to mush right under her.
She pulled my panties down and slipped off her own bottoms as well. She crawled over me and was about to settle between my legs when I sat up and leaned over her.
I kissed her strongly and gently laid her back.
I kissed her softly and laid small kisses down her body on her skin and over her shirt as I reached her center.
I wrapped an arm around one leg and the other hand on the bend of her hip and leg.
I quickly began pleasing her, my thumb sometimes running over the sensitive area.
Her hands tangeled into my hair, letting me know she enjoyed what I was doing.
Within a few moments, Olivia's beautiful sound escaped and I slowed my motions.
She laughed and pushed my head away, but I fought to keep my mouth attached.
She gasped and pulled away sharply. I let my thumb rub her gently and I sat up and kissed her.
She pushed me back and pulled my legs out. She stood on her knees and lifted one leg over mine. She lowered her center to mine and laid her weight into me.
Chills ran all over my body.
Her hips were grinding into mine and I grabbed handfuls of the sheets.
We both climaxed and she cuddled to me. I laid emotionless.
I'm in the arms of the most perfect woman, yet I feel nothing.
I felt tears sting my eyes and I let tears roll down my cheeks.
I couldn't fight the sounds from escaping. Sobs filled the air. Olivia readjusted herself, then rolled my top half into her lap. She held me as I cried.
"I love you." She whispered against my forehead.
I love you too, I thought.